Preacher Kid Confessions

The true story of one woman's journey in faith

group of people gathering under bridge

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THIS IS NOT MY FAMILY BUT THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE, IT REPRESENTS MY CHILDHOOD IN THE 60’S WITH MY HUGE PREACHER FAMILY.  THERE ARE OVER 200 OF US, THE FIRST 50 OF US GRANDCHILDREN WERE RAISED LIKE SIBLINGS INSTEAD OF COUSINS, WE STOOD UP FOR EACH OTHER, WE HAD OUR OWN SINGING GROUP, WE MADE UP GHETTO SONGS WITH HAND CLAPPING WITH ONE OR MORE PERSONS, ONE COUSIN WAS GOOD AT CHOREOGRAPHING MARCHING BAND STEPS, WE WOULD BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET GHETTO DANCING/MARCHING OUR HEADS OFF, IT WAS SOOOO MUCH FUN!

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW!!!!!

My grandparents was the designated babysitter for me and my cousins growing up, we were always together whether church, school, the neighborhood, whatever, wherever, we were always together. God has blessed my family with the gift of helps and services, most of us are in the healthcare field, law enforcement, catering, or cleaning services we love what we do, especially ME, I LOVE TAKING CARE OF SENIORS IN THEIR HOMES!!! My cousins and I were together all the time, we were one of the 2 biggest families in our community back then, we couldn’t get away with doing NOTHIN as kids, we had EYES ALL OVER THE CITY WATCHIN EVERY MOVE WE MADE, our aunts and uncles included, they were watched even more than us because they were grown and LIVING A GROWN PERSON’S LIFE, having babies by different men, running the streets, leaving their kids with grandma until I got old enough to take over the babysitting duties.

I am the second born grandchild of 50 and was extremely close to my grandparents, I would help grandpa clean fish and rabbit whenever he needed it done, with our family being so big, we didn’t have money for meat at times so we ate rabbit and fish ALOT because grandpa could hunt or fish for them plus you can stretch the food enough to feed all of us. believe it or not, WE NEVER WENT HUNGRY!!! We ate ketchup, mayo, and syrup sandwiches in between meals, climbed our neighbor’s cherry, apple, and pear trees to get fresh fruit in order to keep from being hungry.

My grandfather was the associate Pastor at our family church, he and my dad were the only preachers in the family, they would preach at different churches every so often bringing me and my cousins along to provide the music, we formed a 5 person singing group and we were good, our 5 part harmony was something out of this world, daddy and grandpa would take us with them so we could sing before they’d begin preaching their sermon, WE WOULD TEAR THE CHURCH UP!!! (TOO BAD WE HAD NO IDEA WHO THE GOD WAS THAT WE WERE SINGING TO NOR DID WE HAVE ANY POWER BEHIND THE WORDS, looking back. I know we were still SINNING in spite of our SINGING! Thank you Jesus for grace and mercy.

Once I graduated from high school I went into the military so we cousins have all gone our separate ways living our lives and keepin’ in real. I haven’t seen much of them since I joined the military and once I got out I moved to California and other states continuing to live WILD AND FREE, I would think of them often but I hardly visited unless there was a death or something but we still loved each other no matter how much time has passed. Fast forwarding to MY FAMILY TODAY, we are not as close as we use to be when my grandparents were living. My aunts and uncles don’t act like family to each other either, they’ve allowed petty jealousies, money, and prestige to take over the LOVE WE HAD FOR EACH OTHER, there are the HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS, THE HAVES DON’T HELP  UNLESS YOU HAVE, THE HAVE NOTS TEND TO HELP EACH OTHER MORE WITH THE LITTLE MONEY THEY HAVE AND IT SHOULDN’T BE THAT WAY!!

My grandmother was very generous, she would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it, she never hesitated to help her kids when she could, she was a great mother and grandmother to us although flawed but the greatest and I miss she and grandpa so much. The last time I saw my family was in September at one of my cousin’s funeral, she was murdered by a stalker at the age of 44 leaving behind 2 kids and 1 grandchild. My husband went with me to support me, we hadn’t gotten married yet, the ceremony was coming up a week after the funeral so I wanted to introduce him to them hoping they would welcome him to the family with open arms, WELLLLLLL THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN, HE WASN’T WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS by the majority of my aunts and uncles, THEY SHUNNED ME, MAMA, AND MY HUSBAND, WHY? BECAUSE HE’S WHITE and a President Trump supporter, my mom and I are also Trump supporters so were SHUNNED TOO, my aunts barely spoke to us the entire time we were there, they would talk trash about my mother in my presence, and only HALF SPOKE to my husband, I was so embarrassed and angry at the same time I wanted to slap all of them.

My cousins were fine, we all hugged each other talking and laughing while our mothers and fathers were acting like JERKS to me, mama, and David. He didn’t notice their snub  but I did so I just kept it to myself so not to hurt my husband’s feelings. After the funeral David and I went back to our hotel because we had just arrived at 430am the morning of the funeral, it started at 11am so we were tired from the drive and I was TIRED from my families BS. Once things calmed down from the funeral, my aunts and uncles had a birthday gathering at one of their homes, but not everyone showed up including my mom because she was still hurt from her siblings DOGGIN’ her at the funeral and beyond so as usual they got to talking about politics which is a HUGE MISTAKE in my family because they’re all a bunch of BARAK AND MICHELLE DROOLING, 2008 election clothes wearing, DEMOCRAT PARTY worshipping persons who began to talk about me and mama supporting Trump, and MY MARRYING A WHITE MAN! None of them, NOT A ONE OF THEM ATTENDED OUR WEDDING but they attended and gave gifts to my other cousins who were married the following weekend after me. MY FAMILY DOGGED MY HUSBAND BECAUSE HE WAS WHITE, ISN’T THAT RACIST? OR IS IT JUST ME?

Black people are always talking this noise about white people being racists and yet HERE THEY ARE BEING RACISTS TOWARDS MY DAVID WHO THEY’D JUST MET WHEN WE WENT HOME FOR THE FUNERAL. They don’t know him and are refusing to get to know him,and when I was growing up, I was the favorite niece to the very aunts who’re now shunning me and my husband and it hurts me but not as much as it is angering me. I can’t believe MY PREACHER FAMILY is acting like this, grandpa did not raise us to be this way, he taught us to love each other and take up for each other against strangers and not mistreat each other so imagine my surprise when I found out what my family was saying about us and why they were acting so silly towards us at the funeral. I’m stunned to know my family is being racists towards my husband, I never saw this coming, he has no idea they feel the way they do, I haven’t told him because I don’t want him to feel bad or hurt his feelings but I don’t know how much longer I’d be able to keep it from him.

I’m not planning on attending our so-called family reunion next year, it’s suppose to be our first one but I WONT BE THERE NEITHER WILL MY CHILD OR HUSBAND, I love my family but I don’t want to be around them and their racists attitudes, I’ll just pray for God to change their hearts before it’s too late, just as we pray for my husband’s nephew and niece who’re racists towards me on his side of the family. We’re getting it from BOTH SIDES, SO WE’D APPRECIATE YA’LL’S PRAYERS AND SUPPORT. We’re open to suggestions on how to deal with our families, please feel free to offer any advice ya’ll can to help us.

MY PEOPLE MY PEOPLE WE MUST DO BETTER!! I love my family but I will love them from a distance until they DO RIGHT BY MY HUSBAND! I forgive them but I can’t be around them until they GET RIGHT! Pray for me and my family. BE BLESSED TODAY AND ALWAYS

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HEY MY PEEPS I’M GLAD YA’LL ARE STILL WITH ME, THANKS TO EVERYONE NEW AND NOT SO NEW WHO’S JOINED ME ON MY BLOG, I PRAY YA’LL ARE OKAY, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I AM SOOOO SICK AND TIRED OF MY PEOPLE WHINING LIKE THERE’S NOT TOMORROW. I RECENTLY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND WHO WAS ANGRY THAT BLACK PEOPLE, (UNLIKE ALL OTHER RACES IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD) HAVE NO COUNTRY WILLING TO COME AND RESCUE THEM FROM POVERTY, DRUGS, LACK OF EDUCATION, AND ALL THE OTHER EVIL THINGS THE WHITE MAN PUT IN PLACE TO KEEP US DOWN!!! THAT IS SUCH CRAP!!! CRAP-OLA IS WHAT I WAS THINKIN’ REALLY? COME-ON MAN!!!

Since when did black people become the HO of CAPTAIN SAVE A HO THESE DAYS? In my hood back in the day we panned the phrase “Captain save a ho” for men who come in and try to rescue the down trodden, drug addicted, abandoned, oppressed black woman who may or may not actually be a HO BUT IS LOOKED AT AS ONE BY OUR OWN BLACK MEN for entertainment and degrading purposes. We then turn around and accuse white men of doing the exact same thing and having the GALL TO BE UPSET ABOUT IT, WHAT HYPOCRISY!!  We record songs and make movies that DEGRADE WOMEN, not just black women, but ALL WOMEN, LOOK AT THE MUSIC VIDEOS, all you see are women of all race/nationalities dancing, twerking, and Lord knows what else to the very music that DEGRADE AND DISRESPECT THEM AS THE QUEENS GOD MADE THEM TO BE! But NOOOOO, the evil WHITE MAN is the only party responsible for degrading THESE women because THEY OWN EVERYTHING!!

Black men are just as much to blame for the degrading and disrespect as they claim white men are and YES WHITE MEN/JEWISH MEN OWN HOLLYWOOD AND THE MUSIC INDUSTRY, and are just as culpable to our downfall but we as black people should OWN OUR PART IN IT TOO! We’re so determined to be rich and successful, we want BLING BLING all day everyday and in order to get those things we decide to sell our souls to SATAN for fame and fortune not caring about the damage their words cause to a person’s psyche and since most girls have grown up without fathers in the homes and are suffering with DADDY ISSUES like yours truly we tend to be drawn to men who treat us with the same disrespect our father’s did by their ABSENCE in our lives. And yet we still make music, play sports, make movies ON THE BACKS OF WOMEN WITH OPEN LEGS willing to participate in the ruse by no fault of their own, HOW HYPOCRITICAL IS THAT?

We’re throwing the RACE CARD around like it’s a BOOMERANG THEN WANDER WHY IT KEEPS RETURNING TO BITE US IN THE BUTT, we call policeman racists because we CLAIM they kill US ALL DAY EVERY DAY and yet I wake up daily with news that a young black man has shot and killed another one over DRUGS, WOMEN, STEPPED ON NIKE SHOES, WRONG COLORS, WRONG GANG SIGNALS, BLING, BLING, AND SING, SING whatever we try to justify killing each other over and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNLESS A CAMERA IS SOMEHOW INVOLVED! (Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton) CAN WE SAY HYPOCRISY BOYS AND GIRLS????

Darker skinned blacks treat lighter skinned blacks like crap especially in high school, they’re called names like half breed, mixed, high yellow b***h, sellout, honky, red neck THOT. My child has been on the receiving end of this mistreatment for years, they’ve CATFISHED her by posting a naked breast pic of her over the internet after showing everyone on the school bus with her sitting near them. She’s gullible and naïve at times and wants to fit in with others so she will do anything to gain their approval. She’s been physically attacked at school she defended herself like I taught her but it still hurts as a parent to see your child bullied BY THEIR OWN RACE on one hand while calling out the white man for doing the same thing, OUR NEW WORD FOR TODAY BOYS AND GIRLS IS H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y, LET’S SAY IT TOGETHER BOYS AD GIRLS HYPOCRISY!! LOL (shout out to Mr.Rogers Neighborhood back in the day)!

Black politicians come around every 2 and 4 years beggin us for our votes claiming to care for our well being because of the EVIL WHITE MAN SYSTEM THAT KEEPS US DOWN! They promise to give their constituents FREE THIS AND FREE THAT (CAN WE SAY BARAK AND MICHELLE), free healthcare, free phones, free food, free clothes, FREE FISH SANDWICHES AT THE POLLS, free mortgage, free gas bill, free light bill, free education, etc.., they promise to take care of us by passing legislation slowly designed to take our God given freedoms away while enslaving us to the same system they’re CLAIMING THE WHITE MAN USES TO KEEP US DOWN!! I work the elections every election cycle I talk to our people, I hear and see the IGNORANCE OF MY PEOPLE and I LOATHE the black politicians who’re taking advantage of them and their ignorance for political gain, money and power, CAN WE SAY HYPOCRISY TO THE UMPTH DEGREE BOYS AND GIRLS?

We call President Trump racists for separating children at the border and for calling dirt poor countries on the other side of the world S***hole because the countries’ government pocket the monies they get from the USA instead of giving the money to the poor in those countries. These people have no indoor plumbing, they live in shacks or worse, they don’t get FOOD STAMPS, WIC, SECTION 8, CHILDCARE VOUCHERS, AND CASH AID like we do here in America. When Obama was President he separated kids at the border all the time, but FAKE NEWS CNN, MSNBC, ABC CBS, and NBC all failed to do their jobs by reporting and showing pictures of children sleeping on top of and under ALUMINU FOIL SHEETS on the floor with no pillows AT THE SAME BORDER our current president is trying to secure. The foil was used as the top sheet and bottom sheet. I saw the pictures in 2014, (TRUMP DIDN’T BECOME PRESIDENT UNTIL 2016) so how is it that he gets the blame? My question to you is “HASN’T THE WELFARE SYSTEM BEEN DOING THE EXACT SAME THING SINCE IT’S INCEPTION BY SEPERATING CHILDREN FROM THEIR PARENTS IN THE UNITED STATES? If so, why aren’t WE BLACK PEOPLE upset about that, after all we tend to say that white people are taking advantage of the welfare system claiming they’re using it up from everyone while we continue to have KIDS BY ALL THESE DIFFERENT MEN who’re spreading their SEED all over the place with NO ACCOUNTABLITY to the women or children (thanks to the welfare rules and regulations) and we now have at least 2 generations of kids living off UNCLE SAM MASSA (the government’s BONDAGE RAN, DREAM KILLIN’, MOTIVATION STYFELLING SYSTEM we’ve allowed to determine our WORTH as a people in America. We need to GET OFF THE GOV TIT, stand on our own 2 feet like our ancestors did and stop making excuses for OUR FAILURES! HYPOCRISY IS THE WORD FOR THIS TIME BOYS AND GIRLS!

It is not the governments job to SAVE US, weren’t they responsible for our enslavement and the segregation policies that followed? Most blacks don’t know that Martin Luther King was Republican, nor did they know the Democrats wrote and passed THE JIM CROW LAWS in the South keeping restaurants, schools, churches, etc.., segregated,  Democrats started the KKK, they assassinated Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, and President John F Kennedy because they had all Americans ready to come together on one accord living in peace with one another and the Dems couldn’t handle it. They were determined to keep us enslaved and dependent upon them for our daily needs and once they got rid of the FURIOUS FOUR, it opened the door for Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Andrew Young and the NAACP to slither in our communities like a bunch of snakes causing all this destruction and blaming Republican, Conservatives, and Christians for all our problems!

Most blacks don’t know that the Republicans are the ones responsible for Blacks being allowed to vote and to have our civil rights, the Democrat government tried to stop them every time by sending troops to the schools, restaurants, wherever to keep us in Line AND YET WE CALL REPUBLICANS RACISTS AND EVIL. We need to do our research for a change and not believe everything THE HOOD, ATHLETES, MUSICIANS, AND ACTORS say to us. We have access to the same info as everyone else, WE JUST FAIL TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of the opportunity given to us WE HAVE NO EXCUSE! CUT THE CRAP WITH THE HYPOCRISY BLACK PEOPLE and stop WHINING!!! Stop believing everything you hear, DO YOUR RESEARCH, EDUCATE YOURSELF, stop with the CRAP of HYPOCRISY, we will all be the better for it.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YA’LL THINK! BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BLACK PEOPLE DO WRONG THINGS IN LIFE SOMETIMES, we just can’t play the VICTIM CARD all the time, WE MUST OWN OUR CRAP and CHANGE IT!! GOD HATES A HYPOCRIT, Titus 1:16 states “They claim to know God but by their actions they deny Him. They are detestable, disobedient, and unfit for doing anything good. We blacks must stop with our hypocritical thinking, actions, and behaviors and return to serving the God who created us from the dust of the ground. My husband and I pray for ALL PEOPLE daily, including President Trump, Bibi Netanyahu, the military troops, first responders, congress, and all law enforcement officers. We pray for Americans and all those living abroad, we pray for the church as a whole who needs to get back on their GRIND with prayer and evangelism in order to change this collision course we’re headed for. GET ON YOUR GRIND MY PEEPS!!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation in my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen Be blessed all day every day my peeps

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HEY MY PEEPS I KNOW IT’S BEEN AWHILE, I’VE BEEN EXTREMELY BUSY GETTING BACK INTO MY ROUTINE BUT NOW AS A WIFE INSTEAD OF A SINGLE MOTHER. I’M THANKFUL TO MY NEW FOLLOWERS AND THE COMMENTS FROM THE POSTS OF OTHERS. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO TAKE THE TIME TO LIKE/COMMENT MY POSTS FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE I PROMISE I WILL RESPOND.

It’s been quite the whirlwind of a journey these last few weeks, I’m learning to adjust to married life with a man who’s about as mature as a popcorn seed, he has a lot of growing to do mentally, emotionally, and psychologically he’s that way because of early drug use in his early teens and throughout middle age where it stunted his emotional growth and kept him at that level he was when he began taking the drugs and in his case he was 12 or so and now must play catch up with his body after all these years. It’s been quite the challenge I’ve had my moments as well so I’m not putting it all on him, we’re learning how to communicate our feelings better each day by taking a breathe and thinking before we react, we fail quite a bit but we keep movin in spite of. We love each other, we spoke vows before God to love, honor, obey, YES I SAID OBEY, TIL DEATH DO US PART!! We meant it and we will never break our promise to the Lord because He brought us together in the first place.

We’re still honeymooning as much as we can, we have a lot of passion built up inside for one another because we remained celibate until our wedding night. We decided to become each other’s second time virgin in honor of God who brought us together before we were even born. Our story is in some of my previous posts feel free to read them and share with others, the more followers I can help inspire by my life’s mistakes the merrier it will be for me. As a preacher kid and grandkid it’s been quite the struggle for me, I haven’t always lived by the word I was taught as a kid, I grew up, went out into the world and SOWED MY ROYAL OATS until the ground became to hard to bear the weight of my consequences. I’m still learning from my consequences all these years later, we must watch what we say and do to others and ourselves because the bible says “Be not deceived God is not mocked, whatever you sow, THAT you shall also REAP (key word SHALL) Shall means guaranteed definite, FA SHO’ in the bible (A little slang in there LOL)

I’m glad we waited, it was definitely worth the wait because our connection is deeper than the physical act itself we decided mutually to honor and respect one another before walking down the aisle and I thank God for MY DAVID. We’ve avoided watching the TV because of the hate spewing across the screen on a daily directed at the President, his supporters, and Christians. Jesus is the God of love not hate, we must learn to love one another especially those of us who call ourselves a Christian. Jesus forgives us of our sins and shortcomings, some of us EAT PEOPLE ALIVE WITH OUR TONGUES, we say whatever we want to people especially white people here as of late. I’m learning to control my tongue with my new husband, sometimes he can make me really angry with his immaturity and insensitivity, we’ve bumped heads on occasion but never gave into the anger to where we would allow the poison to affect our marriage.

He’s made positive strides and so have I, were practicing patience in our differences, after all we’re a multi racial couple learning to combine 2 different cultures under one roof for the rest of our lives and compromising to those things that are detrimental to our relationship so we can move on and continue honeymooning. My peeps practice what you preach, if you expect the President and others to control their tongues why don’t you begin the act IN YOUR OWN HOME STARTING WITH YOUR TONGUE BY WAY OF YOUR HEART AFTER ALL “CHANGE BEGINS AT HOME” “HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS” My David is a man after mine own heart and that’s why I love him so.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Be blessed my peeps today and always

 

food couple sweet married

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HEY MY PEEPS I PRAY ALL IS WELL WITH YOU. I’ZZZ MARRIED NOW, I’ZZZ MARRIED NOW!!! (SHOUT OUT TO MARGARET AVERY IN THE MOVIE COLOR PURPLE WHEN SHE GOT MARRIED TRYING TO PLEASE HER ESTRANGED PREACHER FATHER) I AM A MARRIED WOMAN NOW AND INSPITE OF A FEW MISHAPS AT THE CEREMONY IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL CEREMONY MY HUSBAND LOOKED SOOOO FINE THAT DAY, MY BROTHER/UNCLES WERE THERE TO GIVE ME AWAY, MY ONLY CHILD WAS THERE NEXT TO ME AS MY MAID OF HONOR, MY BEST BROTHER/UNCLE OFFICIATED MY CEREMONY AND LASTLY, MY PAPA GAVE ME AWAY!! (PAPA IS MY CLIENT WHO’S A FATHER FIGURE TO ME AND HE OPENED HIS HOME FOR ME TO GET MARRIED IN WHAT A BLESSED WOMAN I AM!!!

Hey ya’ll I’m doing better since my previous posts, I was really upset at all the mishaps at my wedding and coming back to work being reminded of them hasn’t been easy BUT I’m choosing to remember the good times over the not so good. My bruncles took time out of their busy schedules to give me away, I am so honored to have friends/brothers like them in my life. They’ve all been instrumental in my success and well being since moving to this state, they’ve been extremely supportive of me over the years in many ways, they’ve looked out for me concerning the men I dated, offered advice even when I didn’t want to hear it, and just being overall GREAT MEN OF CHARACTER AND VALOR I WILL LOVE THEM ALWAYS AND FOREVER, thank you BRUNCLES FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART WITH THE HONOR OF GIVING ME AWAY AT MY WEDDING!

The honeymoon period has been quite an adjustment, my husband has been on another level of selfishness since the week of the wedding, I know it’s nerves, but I also know it’s FEAR, he’s a fearful person when it comes to the unknown, he can be quite controlling at times but that’s because he was never allowed to keep any toy, clothing, whatever growing up it was always taken from him out of spite and to this day he’s very possessive of some of his stuff. It doesn’t bother me, I understand where he’s coming from so I just LET HIM BE but he’s also selfish and self centered at times and at nauseum, he never considers the fact that words can hurt a person and once you say something out of anger no amount of apologies will change the damage done by words and actions, we’re still adjusting to life as man and wife, the butterflies and moon beams are gone, REAL LIFE AND COMMITTMENT TO MARRIAGE IS HERE AND NOW and I love my David with all my heart!!

We had a REAL HEART TO HEART the other day he opened up about some fears and feelings he’s been dealing with on his own, I know it’s a BIG responsibility he’s taken on as a husband and father to OUR daughter but I’m not gonna excuse his selfish behavior because of it. He threw some items away I’d purchased for him because he was angry with me when I called him out on his selfishness but didn’t tell me until days later. I was so mad at him, I cried for about 5 minutes after he told me that’s how mad I was. I explained to him why I was upset and told him he needed to grow up and be the husband he vowed to be before God, family, and friends. He had to hold his tongue for a minute because I let him know everything I was feeling in my heart about his behavior in these last few weeks.

To my surprise he held his peace, listening to every word I said and has been working on those areas in his life ever since. We had dinner/counseling session with our pastor and wife this past weekend, we discussed everything with him we’ve gone through since our last session, we discussed riding motorcycles together before the weather breaks and our upcoming wedding at the church we’ll have in November this year. We planned two separate ceremonies from the beginning, we both love and respect our pastor and his wife and will be honored for him to marry us. He wasn’t available before November because he was transitioning into taking over as pastor of our church all summer so it worked out when and the way it is suppose to.

Since our pastor hasn’t married us we decided not to consummate our marriage but after talking to him he’s okay about it and so are we, I have a visitor who’s leaving tomorrow THANK GOD, SHE’S BEEN HERE FOR 3 WEEKS, IT’S TIME FOR HER TO GOOOOOO!  We can’t wait to finally be together sexually for the first time EVER!! We’ve been together for 9 months and decided to wait until our honeymoon, in our case it’s once MY visitor leave. We will be FIRST TIME VIRGINS TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE WAITED TO HAVE SEX  UNTIL AFTER MARRIAGE. He’s the first man to ever grant me that honor and I love him more and more each day as he wait patiently for AUNT FLO to leave. (Thanks aunt flo you have perfect timing).

I know it will be wonderful I can’t wait to see him later. I’m such a blessed woman thank you Lord for blessing me with a great husband, child, and friends. Please forgive my anger and unbelief and thank you for grace and mercy in Jesus’ name I pray Amen. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Be blessed my peeps all day every day

 

photo of woman wearing white dress near flower arbor

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MY WEDDING DAY HAS ARRIVED, IT’S A DAY I’VE DREAMED AND PRAYED FOR SINCE I WAS A TEEN, MY MOM HAS COME TO TOWN TO CELEBRATE THE FESTIVITIES, I INVITED UP TO 60 FRIENDS WHOM ALL SAID THEY WOULD ATTEND, ORDERED AND PURCHASED FOOD FOR THE OCCASION, THE TENT WAS DECORATED EVERYTHING WAS A GO UNTIL IT WASN’T.

Hey my peeps I pray all is well with ya’ll, I’m doing as good as I can be considering the emotional and spiritual turmoil I’ve been in since my wedding day. I notified family and friends of my engagement and eventual marriage in February of this year, I sent 60 invitations out to friends inviting them to our celebration, they all RSVP’D and said they would come. I ordered and cooked enough food to feed 60 people, I cooked the sides, and had the meat catered spending almost $500 on food alone, I also ordered a bounce house for the kids, trying to make my guests as comfortable as possible including dress code etc… I tried to cover all my bases before the big day so everything can go off without a hitch, HOW NAIVE WAS I? The ceremony came and went, it’s was humid outside I was burning up in my wedding gown but it was worth it seeing MY DAVID in all white, he looked SOOOOO FINE! My mom was here to help me get dressed, my daughter was my maid of honor, my flower girl looked beautiful, the best man, papa, and my 3 brother/uncles were there to celebrate my big day, it was a special moment I will remember for the rest of my life.

The ceremony was beautiful, standing there next to David was as we looked into each other’s eyes was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before it was TRULY AWESOME, we said our vows, exchanged rings, and was pronounced MAN AND WIFE before God, family, and friends. We went to take photos as our guests began eating, within 15 minutes people started coming to us saying they’re goodbyes as they begin to leave, we hadn’t had our first dance yet nor did we have our daddy/daughter dance before people started leaving. At some point as I tried to make the best of the situation by dancing with my husband and papa but hardly NO ONE WAS THERE TO SEE IT and those who did stay weren’t paying attention, they were on their phones or talking in groups. The only people I saw watching us was my HOST FAMILY INCLUDING PAPA, they’re my family although I work for them. they’ve treated me like family and sacrificed a lot to help make my wedding day the best it could be and I will forever be grateful to them.

They had the house painted, trees trimmed, gutters changed, grass cut, and house professionally cleaned in order to make sure my guests are as comfortable as possible, my wedding planner was AWESOME, the girl got SKILZ she’s so creative and thought of everything including things I didn’t she made my life a lot easier knowing she had my best interest at heart we were in sync the entire time ABSOLUTELY NO BRIDEZILLA moments between us EVER! Everything was just soooo beautiful, it was great seeing all my guests, don’t get me wrong and yes I appreciate that they came and left words of encouragement and gifts but it still hurt when I looked around and saw the majority my guests leaving or had left, a couple people came long enough to say hello, give me a hug, one left money, the other noting at all, IT WAS DEFLATING AND EMBARRASSING at the same time and as I operated on adrenaline from sun up it didn’t really hit me until the next day when I went to help clean up and saw all the food left over, once that happened all the emotions just came out of me and I cried for about 10 minutes.

I’m aware some of my guests had personal issues they’re dealing with, I get that, I just thought maybe coming to our celebration might give them a reprieve from their situations even if it was for 2 to 3 hours. Also, 20 PLUS guests never showed up with NO NOTIFICATION to this day that’s why there was so much food left over so after getting over my anger and disappointment I called the BATTERED WOMEN’S SHELTER and donated the rest of the food and cupcakes that were left. There was less than 10 people who witnessed our cake cutting, no one took pictures, everyone was texting or scrolling on their phones, the music had issues because of poor wifi connection at the house so there were silent pockets in between due to no fault of the DJ’s own, he did the best he could with what he had, one guests son broke MY BRIDE GLASS so I have to replace it, no one hardly played on the bounce house it just sat there most of the night EMPTY!

I never would’ve thought MY WEDDING DAY would end in such a DUD!!! No one stayed to throw rice at us as we rode off into the sunset we left following each other because he rode the motorcycle so we can ride off on it afterwards BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED, we left together and went home to begin our honeymoon. I was so disappointed I couldn’t even focus on my husband, my feelings are hurt even as I write this to ya’ll I wouldn’t wish this hurt on my enemy let alone a friend. I just buried my FIRST COUSIN WHO WAS MURDERED the week before my wedding, my matron of honor had to cancel the morning of the wedding, my makeup person cancelled 2 hours before thank God we had a backup plan so it worked out in the long run, my mom brought the man she’s seeing whom I don’t like with her but thankfully he didn’t come to the wedding, (THANK GOD, IT WAS ONE OF THE FEW GOOD MEMORIES I HAD THAT DAY). No one in my huge 200 plus family attended my wedding but my mom and daughter, THEY DON’T TRAVEL, (UNLESS IT’S TO THE BAHAMAS, FLORIDA, ATLANTA, you know places like that, BUT NOT THEIR NEICE’S/COUSIN’S WEDDING, OH NO WE DON’T TRAVEL. That’s the excuse they gave me at the funeral and prior to that and I’M EXPECTED TO APPRECIATE WHAT I GOT INSTEAD OF WHAT I DIDN’T GET.

I’m quite sure if another bride had the same things happening to them that happened to me and my husband this past weekend they’d be just as hurt as I am. My husband has no idea I feel this way I’ve tried to hide my disappointment from him, I’ve been praying and reading my bible the last couple days asking the Lord to help me deal with my anger and hurt. I’m not holding any grudges against anyone who left because it’s not of God for me to do so I will just try to remember the way my husband looked at me expressing his eternal love and devotion to me for the rest of our lives, and how good he looked in his  wedding attire, we’re looking forward to a lifetime of love and we’re ready for anything that will try to divide us and break our covenant we made before God, we will have another wedding at our church in about a month, it will be a do-over for the previous ceremony, I can’t wait to see how it will be, my church is huge and beautifully decorated so I’m sure this one will be just as beautiful as the first in spite of the difficulties we faced.

My husband and I are thankful for those who took the time to attend and are grateful for the words of encouragement and gifts that were left behind we will read them together and try to implement them into our marriage in order for it to be successful as theirs. I’m going to need them to pray and teach me how to be a good wife to my husband whether they’re male or female, I will value both perspectives because my brother/uncles can give me advice on how to make my husband happy from a man’s point of view and the women from a woman’s point of view, either way WE ARE SET, OUR FRIENDS ARE PRAYING AS WE ARE THEM. I pray all is well with them since I saw them last and I look forward to seeing and or hearing from them soon. I AM MRS. MY DAVID HEYYYYYY. Lord Jesus thank you for forgiving me of my shortcomings and anger please help me to speak better no matter what the circumstance my dictate, take away my hurt and disappointment and help me replace the bad memories with good ones during our church wedding. Let the words I say be seasoned with salt in order for man to receive them and forgive me of my sins of omision and commission, in Jesus’ name we pray Amen. Be blessed my peeps we’ll talk soon

 

man hugging woman near seashore

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I’M SOOOO EXCITED MY PEEPS MY BIG DAY IS COMIN’ THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN!!!!

I remember when I was a teenager, I saw my aunts and uncles going through divorce left and right eventually it reached my home when my parents divorced but before that happened I was babysitting one of my little cousins, I was 16 or 17 years old I was looking at my cousins who’re being raised by my single mother aunt having to live without their father in the home it bothered me so I began praying to God telling Him “I’M NOT DIVORCING SO whomever it is He has for me please clean us both up before bringing us together cuz I’M NOT DIVORCING!!!! I remember it like it was yesterday, divorce was normal in my family but I was determined to break that curse before I was married so I lived my life becoming engaged 3 separate times over the last 30 years choosing or attracting men who weren’t COMMITTMENT MINDED, they only wanted to PLAY HOUSE day after day, year after year as I fell into their trap of lies and deceit making promises they knew they wouldn’t keep.

My child’s father is the worst of them all, I believed EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME he is a good manipulator and con artist who totally had me fooled as to who he really was and it’s obvious I had NO IDEA WHO I WAS OR WHAT I WANTED FOR MY LIFETIME MATE I have the shattered pieces of my heart in a ZIPLOC BAG to prove it, my heart needed a second chance and the only way to do that was to give my life to Jesus in a more meaningful way, working on my issues from the past and praying for healing from old wounds self-inflicted or otherwise, I decided to humble myself by allowing the Lord to navigate my life preparing me for the husband He has for me, I didn’t know as much as I thought I did no wonder my life was such a mess. I made it up in my mind over 3 years ago to serve the Lord by serving others, I was ministering to people who’s hurting, sharing my story with others, praying for those who ask for it and those who didn’t.

I decided that I needed to SIT DOWN IN ORDER TO BE FOUND, the bible says “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22, I had to stay out of the nightclubs, bars, social clubs, ballgames, hook a sista up circles, etc.. before God would send me my mate, I didn’t realize I was blocking my own blessing being out of place in Jesus so once I decided to live for Him, He decided to open up the window of blessings I had no room enough to receive when He sent MY DAVID TO MY DOOR. David has spoken to my heart from DAY ONE, he goes out of his way to make me happy and to take care of me and my daughter, she loves David, he treat her better than her dad does when we went on our road trip home to mama, she sat in the front seat with David while he drove there and back I’m so happy they get along.

My child’s father married a woman who hates my child’s GUTS and always have, he allows her to mistreat my child daily, she’s mean, evil, insecure, and ugly, VERY UGLY, she looks like a DEMON, she’s the female version of Dr. Conrad Murray Michael Jackson’s murderous doctor. She would make a persons skin crawl when they see her that’s how EVIL SHE IS.  She calls my child DUMB, NASTY, STUPID, AND A B***H throughout her whole life and continues to this day. I can’t do anything outside of HURTING HER BADLY my hands are tied PLUS as a Christian I must allow the Lord to avenge me and my daughter, His word says “Vengeance is mine saith the Lord and I will repay. It’s not easy waiting for people like her to get their COMEUPANCE I’ll just pray the Lord will have mercy on both she and my child’s father when He does.

My David is such a blessing to me, he’s a hard working, loyal, gentle, caring, loving, selfish at times, funny, silly, and kind man, he does love me I feel it deep in my heart, I’m looking forward to becoming MRS MY DAVID in the next few days, everything is coming into focus, my wedding planner is the most talented, creative, and caring person we’ve gotten along from the beginning, NO BRIDEZILLA MOMENTS EVER!!! It’s been EASY BREEZY BEAUTIFUL and I recommend her to everyone. It will be a beautiful ceremony, we’re ready, willing, and able to do this, to hang in there for better and for worse, he’s proven to be really supportive to me during my cousin’s death and funeral, he’s a good provider, and he’s willing to live his life according to God’s word realizing that He is the reason we’re together, we MUST KEEP HIM NUMBER ONE IN OUR MARRIAGE He’s OUR foundation and backbone, we can’t make it without God in our lives and as long as He’s there, WE’LL BE THERE.

Thank you Lord for sending me My David, thank you for my trials and tribulations leading up to My David finding me, thank you for loving me when I wasn’t acting very lovable, thank you for teaching me my worth in you so I can be of some worth to my child and my husband to be, please teach me your ways so that I may learn how to be a Kingdom Wife and mother to my Kingdom Husband and daughter, show me how to love them unconditionally as you have with me all my life, teach me patience, understanding when it’s needed and LOVE when it’s desired. Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself, thank you for your grace and mercy when I fall short, thank you for my child, friends, and family, most of all, thank you for Jesus who gave His life that I might have life WITH MY DAVID!!

Ladies, stay faithful in the Lord if you’re looking for a husband, I did by wearing a ring I purchased for myself on my left hand calling Jesus my husband until He sent my real husband to me. I lived as though I was already married although I had no prospects at the time. It took years but it was worth the wait, I’M AN EXTREMELY BLESSED WOMAN OF GOD. Thank you Jesus we love you and welcome you into our hearts, lives, and marriage. Pray for us my peeps and we will you as long as we have breathe to do it.

Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERYDAY MY PEEPS

american back view burial cemetery

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HEY MY PEEPS I PRAY YA’LL HAD A GREAT WEEKEND, MINE WAS A BLESSING, IT STARTED WITH THE END OF EARLY VOTING BUT IT SOON ENDED ON A SOUR NOTE!!

Hey ya’ll I hope ya’ll are well, this day is a bad day for me, I was awaken at 530am by a call from mama informing me one of my cousins who was raised with me like a sister when we were kids was MURDERED last night by a man who’d been stalking her. I’M NUMB AND IN SHOCK, she was only 40 years old with 2 kids and 1 grandchild and now she’s gone, FOREVER!! She’s my second cousin to have been murdered in the last 20 years, my other male cousin was shot to death in his home while defending his sister from her abusive baby daddy once she left him and moved in with her brother tired of being beat up on a daily basis, he walked to the door of my cousin’s house yelling through the door as my cousin attempted to diffuse the situation, the guy shot 6 times through the door striking my cousin in the chest killing him in front of his wife, kids, mother (my aunt), and sister and now here we are ONCE AGAIN BURYING A COUSIN FROM A VIOLENT ACT!!! WOW I’M JUST NUMB!!!

My cousin did the right thing LEGALLY by filing restraining orders and notifying others of her stalking but nothing stopped him from breaking into her house and strangling her to death, he then drove her to the hospital leaving her there for people to walk by staring at her as she lay there DEAD. He then drove her car to my aunt’s home left it there with no explanation and fled the scene. He turned himself into the police later I’m sure we’ll find out what happens next in the near future, in the meantime I must begin my mourning process for my cousin who grew up with me more as a sister than cousin, my cousins and I spent every weekend with each other throughout our childhood, our grandmother was our parent’s free babysitter so we all meet at grandma’s each day to play, fight, and eat.

The timing of this couldn’t be more strange, I just finished early voting, this go around the voters were more prepared to vote so I spent most of my time joking around, giving men and women compliments on their outfits (some of them were SHARP AS A TACK), MOST IMPORTANTLY, I spent my time witnessing and praying for people who were hurting. One girl just lost her best friend so I asked if I could pray for her, she consented and I prayed for her on the spot for healing and comfort during her bereavement time, shortly thereafter a regular voter came in this time without her husband, she was crying as she stood in line to get her application to vote, she began talking to my boss who she’s known for years continuing to cry between sentences. Once she finished her conversation she came to me as I put my arm around her leading her to the voting machine to vote not knowing why she was so upset and not caring the reason just sensing in my spirit that I needed to pray for her AND SO I DID, I put both arms around her, holding her as she cries and I began praying for her. I felt so sorry for her I wished I could do more but at that time prayer to me seemed to be the safest bet.

Once we finished praying together, she thanked me, and hugged me again before starting her voting process so I walked away to get my next customer. Lastly, a single woman who’s been searching for a husband has become discouraged because of time passing and no opportunities on the horizon. As she told me her story I remembered being in her same position 7 months ago before MY DAVID came knocking on my door, so once she finished venting, I told her MY STORY and how I had to SIT DOWN IN ORDER TO BE FOUND, it motivated her to KEEP ON KEEPIN ON and she left feeling more bubbly than she did when she arrived because without faith it’s impossible to please God and I’ve always had faith the Lord would send me my husband WHEN HE FELT I WAS READY FOR HIM!

WE JUST GOT THE AUTOPSY REPORT ON MY COUSIN, she died from a heart attack while being assaulted and choked to death, there are marks on her neck and big patches of hair missing from her head  down to the roots, the detectives have vowed to get some answers and solve this case giving me and my family the closure we need to move forward. I’ve prayed for my family in between mourning my cousin, my heart is broken for her and her kids, I can only hope this tragedy can bring our broken family back together, we’ve been estranged for quite some time, my mom and I’ve been praying we get it together before it’s too late NOW IT’S TOO LATE WE MUST STOP THE DIVISION AND COME TOGETHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

I will continue to lean on the Lord during this time, David has been super supportive of me since this morning waiting on me hand and foot trying his best to make me feel better in any way he can, I love him so much for being there for me and mama, the Lord knew what I needed and when and I will keep trusting His judgement concerning my life after all He created me in His image and knows me better than I know myself. The bible says, “Weeping endures for a night BUT JOY comes in the morning”. I will mourn my little cousin for a MINUTE, then I’ll JOY FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. Please don’t hesitate to repair damaged relationships, tomorrow is not promised to NO ONE. Please keep us in prayer, will talk to you soon my peeps.  BE BLESSED