Preacher Kid Confessions

The true story of one woman's journey in faith

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I HAVE A FEW PET PEEVES, LIARS, THIEVES, PROCRASTINATORS, STUPIDITY, AND WHINNY ADULTS!!! Of the five, the last one WHINNY ADULTS tops the lists today, oh my goodness I am sick and tired of this whining that’s going across racial lines, men, women, boys, and girls. As a black person I’M EMBARRASSED AT ALL THE WHINING MY PEOPLE ARE DOING NOWADAYS OVER THE SMALLEST OF THINGS. I know racism exist these days, I think blacks have become as racists as we claim white people had been in the past. I’ve been hearing negative stuff about white people since I was a kid, it’s the same stuff we hear today. We are the most HYPOCRITICAL RACE IN AMERICA, it’s okay for us to call white people every name in the book for example, honky, cracker, red neck, trailer trash. poor white trash wet dog smellin’ etc.. I’ve heard them all growing up and I’m still hearing them 40 years later WOW HOW STUPID ARE WE??? and yet let a white person BEGIN TO FORM THEIR MOUTH TO SAY THE N-WORD, MONKEY, OR APE AND WE’RE READY TO HANG THEM ON THE CROSS NEXT TO JESUS!! HOW HYPOCRITICAL IS THAT?

I’M TIRED OF PEOPLE HAVING TO APOLOGIZE FOR STUPID THINGS THEY SAY WHEN THEY’RE YOUNG, the way the adults jumped on the Heisman trophy winner over something he said when he was YOUNG AND DUMB LIKE WE’VE ALL BEEN WHEN WE WERE HIS AGE WAS RIDICULOUS AND INSULTING,  instead of he basking in his moment, here comes some whinny wimp who decides to steal his shine forcing him to  apologized for his comments, WHY??? WHAT HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH IN THE USA? ARE WE STILL LIVIN IN THE USA?

PEOPLE ARE SO THINNED SKINNED NOWADAYS, how did we get here? When did everyone get so SOFT? It’s as if the roles between men and women have switched, MEN HAVE BEEN DEMASCULINIZED IN THE LAST 10 YEARS, WOMEN HAVE BEEN MASCULINIZED IN THE EXACT SAME TIME FRAME, how did it happen? Celebrities, athletes, musician, news opinion people (journalism is now opinionism) all these people had the nerve to think that just because they’re famous they are the smartest people in the world ABOUT EVERYTHING AND NOTHING!

People are whining about the President, although I don’t agree with everything he says, I agree with his right to say it. Why is is that people can call him and all CHRISTIAN, CONSERVATIVE, TEA PARTY REPUBLICANS every insulting name in the book AND GET AWAY WITH IT? MY PERSONAL FAVORITE INSULT WAS WHEN THEY REFERRED TO US BLACK TEA PARTY MEMBERS AS RACIST REDNECK TEABAGGERS WITH STROCKHOLM SYNDROME. I laugh every time I hear that statement, I’m a tea party member, I have been since 2008 and seeing that I’m black I’ve been accused by other blacks of being a SELLOUT many, many times and so I laugh at them while standing my ground watching them lose their minds over the fact that a black person isn’t falling for or caving to their CRAP!

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT WHITE PRIVILEGE IS??? Whenever I ask any black person that question, the only explanation I get from them is when the police pull you over racially profiling them or harassing them driving while black. That doesn’t sound like white privilege, that sounds like racism. The oxford dictionaries definition of privilege; A special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. The police don’t have the right to be racist but that doesn’t mean they won’t be racist towards anyone so comparing the two is Ludacris.

IF ANYONE HAS WHITE PRIVILEGE IT’S ALL THE WHITE AND BLACK CELEBRITIES, ACTORS, ATHLETES, WHO HAS RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES WE REGULAR PEOPLE DON’T. Let’s keep it real, look at how many celebs get away with crimes regular people get sentenced to life in prison for? Their children attend the wealthiest most PRIVILEGED PRIVATE (NOT PUBLIC) SCHOOLS BY LIMO OR NANNY. Airplanes, gated mansions, security guards, personal assistants, etc.. how many white people do you know personally who has THAT MUCH WHITE PRIVILEGE? I know of NONE, I only hang out with white people and they all struggle to pay bills, raise kids, pay taxes, how and where is their PRIVILEGE?

My in-laws are white, THEY’RE FAR FROM PRIVILEGE, my sister-in-law just lost her husband, she’s not sure what she’s gonna do next, her income will drop in half now that he’s gone. DOES THIS SEEM LIKE WHITE PRIVILEGE TO YOU? I’m not saying that there’s no privilege, I just think it’s a ridiculous statement considering all the millionaire celebs, actors, athletes of different races and ethnicities there are even black billionaires (jay-z oprah, tyler perry, beyonce, ALL BLACK, ALL RICH, ALL PRIVILEGED and yet they among others are the main ones calling all white men racist white privilege, GO FIGURE.

It’s HYPOCRITICAL TO ME, THE ONES WITH MONEY AND PRIVILEGE ARE THE ONES COMPLAINING ABOUT THE UNFAIRNESS OF WHITE PRIVILEGE, they’re talking out the side of their neck as far as I’m concerned. I’m tired of the whining, I’m tired of the anger, I’m tired of the complaining, PEOPLE CAN’T TAKE NOTHING NOW, I’ve never seen Americans act like such babies because someone HURT THEIR FEELINGS OR SAID SOMETHING THEY DIDN’T LIKE, BOO HOO HOO, WAH WAH WAH LIKE A BABY are Americans adults or babies?

STOP IT BLACK PEOPLE, STOP THE WHINING, we hurt each other daily never caring about what’s right and fair, if these celebs cared about privilege that much, WHY DON’T THEY GIVE IT ALL AWAY AND MOVE BACK INTO THE HOOD!! I doubt they will do that, they’ll keep PLAYIN THE HYPOCRIT VICTIM and telling ya’ll to feel the same way. I HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED IN THE PAST BUT I’M NOT A VICTIM, black people have mastered the VICTIMIZATION ROLE TO A SCIENCE, they’ve had plenty practice since the end of slavery, all I heard growing up is how evil white people are. I’ve never been mistreated by them (excluding the courts, and my ex) they’ve always treated me like family from the beginning, as a person who’s been labeled all her life I hate labels, I hate stupidity, STOP THE WHINING IT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD.

WHITE PRIVILEGE IS CRAP!!!  THERE’S OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL RACES IN AMERICA TO SUCCEED IT’S UP TO THE PERSON NOT THE GOVERNING BODY NO MATTER HOW HIGH IT GOVERNS. BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

 

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HEY YA’LL I PRAY ALL IS WELL WITH YOU THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING ME. I’M SOOOO MAD I CAN SCREAM!

I was planning a trip home this coming weekend to take My David  to meet my mother for the first time, we’ve been discussing this for weeks, David was gonna fix all household repairs she has and we’re going to buy her an air conditioning unit because the one she has been broken for years along with the garage door. These items are NOT CHEAP TO FIX AND WE ARE COVERING THE COSTS OF REPAIRS AND THE EQUIPMENT so you’d think a person would be appreciative of the selfless act a stranger is willing to perform for them BUT NOOOO NOT MY MAMA!

My David and I have 2 pit bulls, they’re 16 and 13 years old respectively female/male, sweet as they can be, David is very protective of these dogs, at times he treats them BETTER THAN ME (NO, I’M SERIOUS), perfect example, it was a cold winter, we spent nights in the 5th wheel (mobile home) just to get use to cohabitating with each other and the dogs, and NO WE STILL HAVE NOT HAD SEX!!! WE’RE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT NOT DISAPPOINTING THE LORD BY FORNICATING, anyways, it would get really cold on the bedroom end of the trailer so I was forced to sleep in clothes, coats, socks, leggings, gloves, and scarf, BUT THE DOGS GOT TO SLEEP WITH THE FLOOR HEATER, THEY WERE NICE AND TOASTY WHILE I FROZE TO DEATH!! It got so cold to where I had to yell at David to bring the heater in our room, and that it doesn’t make sense that” I’M FREEZING BUT THE DOGS GET THE HEATER ALL NIGHT, GO GET THAT HEATER NO I’M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE.” He ran with a quickness and bought the heater to me. HE BETTER HAD OR I WAS REALLY GONNA GO OFF AND HE KNEW IT!! (YES WE PK’S DO GO OFF ON PEOPLE, ACTUALLY I GO OFF QUITE OFTEN ON STUPIDITY AND SELFISHNESS!!

We were bringing the dogs with us to visit mama, in hindsight I should’ve mentioned it to her sooner but I didn’t think she’d mind since David was coming to do favors for her FOR FREE BECAUSE OF ME so when I told her the dogs were coming she went OFF ABOUT HOW SHE DOESN’T WANT PETS NO WHERE NEAR HER HOUSE, I suggested they sleep in the garage and she wasn’t having any of that either and decided to lecture me about being inconsiderate of others, (IS THAT NOT THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK OR WHAT?) She’s being selfish and inconsiderate in my opinion, I get that she’s not a pet in the house type of person but I’m your daughter who’s driving 5 plus hours to visit you and do work for you on top of it, IF IT WAS YA’LL WOULDN’T YA’LL HAD MADE AN EXCEPTION IN THIS CASE?

I COULD NOT BELIEVE HER, I WAS SO MAD I CRIED REALLY HARD FOR 15 MINUTES, stunned that she would act like this, I was just beginning to trust her again from our incident from Christmas when she acted the same way, and David has sent her monies out of the blue, JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES ME and that’s still not good enough for her to make an exception for the dogs. I ended up cancelling our trip because I feel that THE DOGS ARE APART OF MY LIFE NOW, IF THEY’RE NOT WELCOMED IN HER HOME THEN NEITHER AM I OR DAVID. I hate that we have to go through this again but hey it is what it is, David is my family now, my mama has always put her men ahead of me over the years, she didn’t care whether I liked any of them, she even married one of them who ended up beating her up almost killing her last year and even with that I supported her emotionally and financially as much as I could now fast forward to today, she can’t seem to return the gesture.

I don’t necessarily like dogs in my home either but they’re a packaged deal with David, he loves those dogs and I love him so I’m willing to compromise with him he’s my husband to be just as my daughter is apart of me and he has welcomed her into his life with open arms and wallet! I realized the importance of compromise and flexibility in marriage and relationships we’ve been working on these issues from DAY ONE I WILL NOT LET ANY OUTSIDE ENTITY COME BETWEEN US, including family. Genesis 2:24 states “Therefore a man must leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh. My mom will always be my family but David is now my priority, the Lord has made me his HELP MEET (Genesis 2:18), I must fulfill my help meet role to the glory of God and the benefit of my marriage. I’m praying for my mom and for our relationship, we’ve been close these last few years, even closer than when I was younger, it’s important for me spiritually to not hold grudges or anger towards anyone, especially my mom. I love her too and she needs me now that she’s alone AGAIN.

Let me know what ya’ll think, have a blessed holiday weekend, David and I will celebrate his birthday in style. LET THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH AND MEDITATION OF MY HEART BE ACCEPTABLE IN THY SIGHT OH LORD MY STRENGTH AND MY REDEEMER. AMEN

adorable baby basket child

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AWWW LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL THAT GOD BLESSED THIS COUPLE TO HAVE, ONLY GOD CAN CREATE SUCH AN AMAZING BEING!!

My daughter looked just like this baby once she got out of the hospital it reminds me of the reasons I chose not to abort her. The first of many reasons is in the book of Exodus 20:13 says” thou shalt not kill.” We cannot kill someone out of anger, malice or CONVENIENCE, because God’s looking at the heart of the offender at that time, so when someone is killed from self defense, God doesn’t see malice in that situation and you’re forgiven immediately. If you murder someone with malice you can be forgiven too but YOU MUST ASK FOR THE FORGIVENESS from God and He will forgive you from that point forward.

Proverbs 6:16 states “These six things the Lord hates, Yes seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, A lying tongue, HANDS THAT SHED INNOCENT BLOOD (abortion, human sacrifice are examples of this verse), A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.” As a Christian I couldn’t play God and take a life He blessed me with, women are aborting their children out of SELFISHNESS (IT’S ALL ABOUT ME AND MY BODY, AND GOALS IN LIFE I PLAN TO ACCHIEVE) and CONVENIENCE (OH IT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR ME TO BE TIED DOWN WITH A KID, I’M YOUNG, I GOT GOALS IN LIFE) these are the types of statements the girls I knew had before their abortions and just as it did back then and in today’s times, it’s an EXCUSE and MURDER IN GOD’S EYES and there is no way I would kill my baby no matter what the circumstance.

When my father was molesting me at the age of 15, I was scared of becoming pregnant with my own CHILD/SIBLING during every encounter because he never used protection while having FULL BLOWN SEX with me, the thought of aborting my baby came to mind once during the very first encounter but I quickly dismissed it and never allowed it to appear again, looking back I know deep in my heart that the Lord closed up my womb so that I wouldn’t get pregnant and I THANK GOD HE DID!! I was a preemie just like my daughter, I almost died and remained in the hospital for a couple months before I was released. My daughter was in the hospital for 5 months before she went home and from the day I was born my mother told me that God has a purpose for me, a plan for my life that only I can fulfill as He orders my steps on a predestined path known to He and He alone.

It meant so much to me to know God thinks of me in such an amazing way that I consider it an honor to live this life (the good and bad of it) in order to accomplish the mission He has for me so WHO AM I TO PREVENT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING FROM LIVING FOR GOD just as I chose to? Once my daughter was born and I saw how hard she fought to survive all the illnesses attacking her 1 lb 8 oz body, I knew I made the right choice to keep her in spite of the current circumstances,( by this time her father had left me high and dry mid pregnancy). She was a baby but knew instinctively to FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT to stay alive and I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I hadn’t placed scripture around her entire bed, she wouldn’t have been healed by the blood of Jesus Christ. John 1:1 says “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. Jesus Christ represents the word, John 1:14 says “And the Word (capital letter represents majesty and honor in God’s kingdom) became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

I can’t imagine how I’d feel missing my child’s first footsteps,  she speaking her first word, changing diapers, potty training, homework, etc. I can’t imagine not holding her when she cries, nursing her boo boos when she falls, buying cute little girl outfits on a whim, combing her hair, tucking her in at night and watching her sleep, these are the most precious moments we’ve had over the years and we continue to have them today. We go shopping, wear each other’s clothes, do each other’s hair, go to lunch, dance to old school hip hop I got her listening to since she was a baby (she loves lil Jon), and I really look forward to our conversations, she has no problems telling me anything, I made sure we establish that kind of relationship from the beginning.

She doesn’t tell me EVERYTHING, and then again I don’t expect her to, she’s comfortable with telling mama certain things than she is me and I’m totally okay with that because I was the same with her sisters growing up. My daughter and I are CLOSE in spite of her father’s attempts to divide us, I’m so proud of our relationship and the young lady she’s becoming. I CAN’T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER and because of that there is no way I would abort her and miss all this. I pray for those who’ve had an abortion, I have no idea what it feels like, it couldn’t have been an easy decision for them to make, I just hate the long term mental repercussions they must experience after the fact. There is now a link to abortion and women getting breast cancer, a study came out in 2014 from Harvard linking women who had abortions to having contracted breast cancer in some instances, never mind the nightmares that will occur from the memories of the procedure, from what my friends said they think of their baby quite often over the years.

God has forgiven all those who have abortions just as He does any other sins we commit, I thank Him for my forgiveness, have ya’ll thanked Him lately yourselves? Thank you Lord for blessing me with my daughter and although I had her out of wedlock I know you can turn any bad situation around for MY GOOD so I pray we women seek your face concerning Your will for our lives and realize we are fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image, LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION, and Jesus loves us all in spite of our mistakes. Let us learn to value life the way You do, in Jesus name I pray, Amen

THESE ARE THE REASONS I CHOSE NOT TO ABORT MY CHILD, thank you Lord for the courage to keep my baby. Be blessed my peeps all day every day

pregnant woman

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JULY 6, 2002 WAS A GREAT DAY FOR ME, THE EVENTS THAT OCCURED THIS DAY CHANGED THE COURSE OF MY LIFE AND LEAD ME ON THE PATH I’M WALKING TODAY!!

I was working at this warehouse where adults with mental disabilities were being trained to work and live in society on their own, I was a supervisor, I had my own crew, they were adults with Down Syndrome and I supervised as they assembled dental floss tools to be sold in stores. I met my child’s father here. he was a forklift driver who looked exactly like one of my favorite actors Sam Elliott, I was attracted to him from the moment I saw him it was LUST AT FIRST SIGHT AND I WANTED HIM BADLY. I remember approaching him with this line “did anyone ever tell you you look like Sam Elliott?) He said” yes, all the time” I smiled at him and it was on and poppin’ from that point on. We hung out at work as much as we could, talking as friends, flirting here and there, but mainly platonic friendship.

I’m still livin’ in numbville, making choices based off of hurts from the past, displaying the same behaviors from MAN TO MAN, not choosing to take things slow by getting to know them and their goals in life, NOOOO I HAD TO JUMP STRAIGHT INTO BED with them  DAY ONE, MINUTE ONE, SECOND ONE, ALL OF THE ABOVE. My identity was wrapped up in sex and men, then wander why they never wanted to get to know me personally. I SET THE TONE BY BEING A THIRSTY, DEHYDRATED, THOT!!

It was the weekend after the 4th of July, my child’s father and I planned on hooking up at a hotel in Upland Ca, it was our very first time having sex since we met, I rode the metrolink train and a bus to meet him, once I entered the room we went straight to the bed and began having sex, it was an amazing experience, he made me feel like a woman for the first time in my life it lasted for hours and once we finished he told me I was pregnant. I laughed at first but he assured me I was pregnant so once the weekend was over we went back to our daily lives as if nothin ever happened. I never thought about his statement again I came on my menstrual cycle the following month, BUT the second month I didn’t have a cycle so I thought about what he’d said, took a home pregnancy test and found out I was PREGNANT.

AT THAT MOMENT I HAD ALL THE FEELINGS YOU CAN IMAGINE BUBBLIN’ ON THE INSIDE but I wasn’t scared, I’d been babysitting my younger cousins since I was 9 so I was use to being around babies. My child’s father said he’d take care of us and THAT HE DID. He greeted me daily with a hug and belly rub to his daughter, then he set it up in the cafeteria for me to eat whatever I wanted and put it on his tab. I didn’t want for anything he was truly awesome. I had a terrible pregnancy, migraine headaches ALL DAY, EVERYDAY which created nauseum you couldn’t imagine on top of morning sickness. I  walked everyday, drank plenty water, and craved Burger King fish sandwiches and fried pork chops. I couldn’t keep anything else down. The migraines made me dizzy even on rainy days and since I was in my first trimester I couldn’t take medicine it would hurt the baby so I had to SUFFER WITH PAIN ABOVE BOTH EYES ALL DAY!!

I carried my daughter for 5 n half months before going into labor the last week of the 5th month, I was having contractions at work but didn’t know it, I was only 5 months along. Once I got home I took a nap and woke up bleeding in bathroom. My best friend called the ambulance who took me to the hospital determining I was 4cm dilated and needing to be on bed rest for the rest of my term. I was given magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions but it didn’t help I still felt every dang one of those things so now I’m laid up in the bed not able to eat, drink, or sleep for 5 WHOLE DAYS, I was in labor for 5 days ladies, YES 1,2,3,4,5 DAYS 24 HOURS A DAY LABOR PAINS, it was horrible I was so ready for her to come and finally she did on the 2nd day of the week at 2:21pm at 1lb 8oz 21 inches long. (God always blesses me in 2’s He always has even to this day)

She was born at the beginning of her 6th month at 24 weeks a small but healthy baby girl at first she seemed okay for a few days but then she began swelling and turning orange in color. She looked like an orange humpty dumpty with wires and hoses dangling everywhere. I was SCARED TO DEATH AND ALL ALONE, BY THIS TIME HER FATHER HAD LEFT US AND GONE BACK TO HIS EX WHO’S NOW HIS WIFE AND HER KIDS. all the promises he made to us he broke, leaving me to deal with our daughter’s sickness mainly ALONE. She had a staph infection, yellow jaundice, cardiac thrombus, liver failure, and blindness in one eye. I was signing so many forms daily I couldn’t keep up, her pediatrician was the best, she really kept me informed on everything they were doing to my child, she had a condition only doctors in Germany knew how to treat so with consults from doctors all over the world they came up with a cure for her ailments.

It was tough looking at her suffer through all those months, having countless surgeries, lab work, tests and x rays, moving her from room to room. I felt alone and helpless I wanted to trade places with her many days, I didn’t know how much longer I could take seeing her in pain and not being able to help, all I could do was communicate with her through the incubator holes with my hands. We held hands all the time and still do to this day. My daughter fought hard to survive, her organs were extremely under developed, she could fit in my hand from being so small, she had a total blood transfusion, eye surgery, catheter placed in her neck, head was shaven bald because they ran out of veins to draw blood from so they were placed on her scalp. I will never forget her facial expression during this entire time, she reminded me of my mother, there was so much pain shown in each breath she took I don’t know how she was able to fight so hard to LIVE.

Abortion is a hot topic these days, I’ve known many women who aborted their babies I never judged them one way or the other, it wasn’t my place to say anything or at least that’s how I felt at the time. I know for ME, abortion was never an option, I never even considered it, I come from a big family, there’s over 200 of us from grandparents on down to 3rd cousins so abortion was never gonna be an option for me plus I was ready for a child by this time, I was in the process of adopting an unwanted child but the mother changed her mind at the last minute and the rest as they say is HERSTORY (Get it ?) HISTORY/HERSTORY! The Lord knew my heart was ready for a child so He blessed me with one a few months later. After seeing how hard she fought to survive her first 5 months of life makes me extremely proud of her as the perfectly healthy teenager she’s become today. She never cease to amaze me as she’s working now and helping around the house, when she sleeps I sometimes watch her thinking back to all those years ago when she was close to death and God healed her.

I placed bible scriptures around her the entire time, I prayed for the Lord to heal her and He did, so I could never abort my child, she’s apart of me and although you may get rid of the child, you’ll never forget the child and you will feel guilty once you decide to have more children down the road. God doesn’t want us to abort our children, I can’t imagine my life without my daughter, she has bought me so much joy and purpose in life and I love her with all my being, Those of you who’ve had abortions know that Jesus loves you no matter what, He will forgive you if you ask Him and know that if you trust Him as your personal Lord and Savior you can be forgiven and saved by His grace so that you can see your baby again in heaven with Him. I pray for all those involved in the abortion process, I love them all with the love of Christ and I pray we as WOMEN LEARN OUR VALUE AND WORTH IN GOD’S EYES SO THAT WE CAN SEE THE VALUE IN THE LIVES OF OTHER’S ESPECIALLY THE BABIES!!

I thank you God for healing my daughter, I look forward to watching her grow into the amazing woman of God you blessed her to be, I pray you continue to guide my footsteps in all my works concerning her, my David and my life. This is why I chose not to abort my child and I’M GLAD I STUCK TO MY GUNS!! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Pray for me as I’ll pray for all of you my followers BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

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HAPPY BELATED MOTHER’S DAY TO MY FOLLOWERS AND DAILY VIEWERS, BEING A MOTHER IS THE BEST JOB I’VE EVER HAD!!

Hey ya’ll  how was your weekend? I had the best Mother’s Day in 16 years, why? because it was the first of many mother’s day with MY DAVID and my daughter. My daughter works the weekends normally and on this past Saturday she participated in a dance-a-thon at her high school to raise money for the Monroe Carroll Children’s Hospital, I was excited and proud of her for wanting to help children who are sick just as she was as a child so David and I made it a family outing having no qualms about driving an hour in order to make it happen BUT my child’s father lives closer to the school than I do and yet I’m the one who’s driving an hour FOR HER!!!

She asked her dad if he would take her but he refused so of course it was up to me to pick up the slack as I’ve done so many times before. He’s been trippin’ ever since he found out My David is in my life, I actually introduced them a few weeks back just to be respectful and to keep the peace because unlike him I wasn’t given the opportunity to be introduced to his wife, he left us to be with her then thrust her into mine and my child’s face in a matter of a couple weeks. He didn’t care how we felt about her, I didn’t trust her either but I knew I had no say so over who he marries just as long as she doesn’t hurt my child. Unfortunately that’s never been the case, she’s mistreated my daughter from day ONE!!!

She has always HATED MY GUTTS, she blames me for her husband’s cheating ways and the fact that I got pregnant made it worse so when my ex won custody I’m sure she was happy and laughing at me thinking that she was getting retribution from the past but one the other hand once the honeymoon was over I’m sure she had time to THINK about what THEY JUST GOT THEMSELVES INTO BY WINNING CUSTODY OF A 5 YEAR OLD when they’re both past 50 at the time. She’s sickly all the time and my ex is a lying con artist workaholic who had no business getting custody from me the younger of the bunch. She thought they were hurting me BUT THEY WERE HURTING MY CHILD AND THEMSELVES EVEN WORSE because the court has now placed ME the FATHER ROLE and my ex in my role as her mother he now get to help with homework and all the things mothers get to do daily and I’m left in the cold unless something happens which require me punishing her and my paying him child support (although he makes 4 times what I make driving tanker trucks), I STILL PAY HIM SUPPORT!

Both he and his wife has mistreated my child over the last 16 years, verbally, mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically by calling her dumb, stupid, nasty, b—h and any other word you can imagine to her face as well as calling me the same names to her face in the midst of 8 kids younger than she who tease her and mimic what they hear my ex and his wife says. It puts me in a bad position because I can’t let on that I know because he will punish her for telling me by limiting our contact by phone and visits, he has violated the court order and kept her from me during Thanksgiving through New Year 2015 because he was mad when I scolded him for mistreating her and the court let him get away with it, they did nothing to him but sent ME to jail for being behind child support (how backwards is that?)

From the time her father met My David at the pickup/drop off spot he’s been questioning my daughter about him and since I know him well I told my child to say I don’t know we don’t discuss him (My David) so she won’t get caught up in drama or a lie. He told her he doesn’t trust David after he dropped her off to him for me one Friday because I worked late and although he waved at David (FAKE) he’s still drinkin’ straight HATER-AID FOR NO REASON!! He makes snide remarks about David both he and his wife plus her oldest child who tried to befriend me but I didn’t FALL FOR HER OKEY DOKE she’s sneaky and a liar too with sarcasm and laughter all in the middle of the HATE. I’ve dealt with their mouth on me for the last 16 years, I pray for them often because they need JESUS but now that David is in the picture I now must deal with their mouth on him and I KNOW THAT WON’T BE EASY.

David has stepped up and treated my daughter with love and respect since we became engaged, she and I have talked about what she thinks of he and I, what she thinks of him in general, and how he’s treated her. Thank God she loves him because he reminds her of her dad physically, they favor in a lot of ways. She asked David to teach her how to drive and for money for shopping with friends and he gave it up with no hesitation. He asked for my permission to take her out on a daddy/daughter date, I agreed because I feel it’s never too late for her to learn how to be treated like a young lady from her father figure and since her dad has FAILED IN THAT AREA David is now willing to step in and step up so I’m thankful to God for sending this wonderful man to US! I’m glad I stood still long enough for the Lord to send him to my door, I had to work on myself the whole time so that I can be the best wife I can be for my husband God has for me, I’m still working on myself, actually we’re working on our issues together we are determined to make God proud of us by blessing our marriage before it happens AND GUESS WHAT YA’LL?

WE’RE STILL NOT HAVING SEX!! We are so proud of ourselves, it’s been close to 90 days, it’s been easy at times but for the most part it has been MESSIN’ WITH ME, I know I must be strong and stand firm on my convictions, with me being a sexaholic from my past abuses it’s important for me to be able to control my urges for not only my sake but for my daughter’s as well because I MUST set a positive example for her so that she won’t make my mistakes in her future. We must break the cycle of dysfunction in our families and it starts with a MOTHER WHO’S MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY HEALTHY enough to make it happen and break the chain of bad choices, and abuse. I’m determined to be spiritually healthy for my child and husband, I’m excited for our future God is blessing our effort to not fornicate in many ways especially financially, He’s just a truly awesome God.

I will continue to pray for my ex and his wife, I REFUSE TO DRINK THEIR HATER-AID, it doesn’t look good, it doesn’t feel good, and it doesn’t act good! Life is too funny to be silly, prayer and Jesus are the ones who can help them to not be EVIL and begin to practice the love of Christ towards me and my fiancé. I believe in forgiveness even when I’m not feelin’ it, if I want forgiveness I must give forgiveness, father God in the name of Jesus, I pray for those with bitterness and anger in their hearts, those with unforgiveness and malice in their hearts, help them to practice the love of Christ that He spoke of during His entire earthly ministry. He is the PERFECT EXAMPLE OF LOVE, thank you for My David and for his patience and ability to not react to my ex and his nonsense, thank you for being the awesome God you are through your love for me and others, help me to show the love of Christ more each day to your standard and not the world’s standard, in Jesus name I pray Amen. BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

 

lights hanging on green leaf tree

Photo by Flenn May on Pexels.com

THIS PHOTO PERFECTLY DESCRIBES JESUS CHRIST AND WHO HE IS IN MY LIFE AND HOPEFULLY WHO HE CAN BE IN YOURS IF YOU LET HIM.

Jesus said to His disciples, I am the vine, and you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him bears much fruit; for without ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING!! John 15:5.

This generation today have no idea what it means to be SELFLESS, I’m not just talking about children, I’m talking adults too, WE ARE SO SELFISH AND SELF ABSORBED (thanks to celebrities, athletes, politicians, pastors, media, and social media) everything’s about ME, ME, ME!! Instant gratification with shallow, underwhelming results. Jesus was the most SELFLESS man who ever walked the earth, He proved that by taking a severe beating before and during His walk to Golgotha where He hung and died from a TREE!! (Notice I said tree) that’s because it was a tree He was hung on, it couldn’t have been anything else because from the beginning Jesus has been our TREE OF LIFE as read in the scripture above where He says He is the vine, vines grow on what? TREES, so Jesus had to LIVE AND DIE as AND on a tree.

We must learn to follow His PERFECT example of selflessness in ways that it would benefit others while benefiting you in the process. With all the drama that’s been going on in my life recently I decided that I would get even busier helping others because Satan wanted to use my drama as a distraction or deterrent to ministering to the lost souls in this world today, sometimes he will use our family members to distract us from our calling from God, MINE just so happens to be evangelism and ministry. I’m from a family of ministers and evangelist so it’s not surprising for me to be carrying the torch for my cousins under me. The Lord is developing over time a gift in me for praying on the spot for those who need it AND my gift of writing ( in which I never knew I had ). Someone just came to the door, hold on a minute, OH MY GOODNESS, MY BOSS JUST SHOWED UP TO SURPRISE ME WITH EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH, WOWWWW I NEVER SAW THIS COMING, I’m speechless, I’m crying (shock), I’m happy, I’m stunned, Praise the Lord and thank you Jesus for my blessing.

I was presented flowers, candy, gift card, and a plaque in a CAREGIVER OF THE MONTH metal bucket by my supervisors, my agency is the BEST AGENCY I’ve ever worked for and this is the first time I’ve been awarded this honor in the 36 years I’ve been in the field. I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that this is my gift from the Lord, I love going to work everyday, MY PAPA (my client) is the greatest father figure/client I’ve had in all these years. He and his family have treated me and my daughter better than OUR OWN FAMILY, I love the fact that I have older sisters I can get advice from. Most of them live out of state but I know I can reach out to them if I need to for anything, THEY ARE MY FAMILY, I’m here at work with Papa at the moment, this is where my boss surprised me in papa’s presence and with his blessing I’m so glad to share this moment with him.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY USING YOUR GIFTS, I LOVE TAKING CARE OF SENIORS/DISABLED PEOPLE, it comes natural as breathing, the bible says that in all we do in work and deed we do to the glory of God, I treat my clients with love and respect, I become attached pretty quick and I stay with my client until they go home to glory to be with the Lord then on to the next new family member. In spite of life’s trials and tribulations, I’m learning to focus on other’s needs instead of my own, THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF SELFLESSNESS. Stop looking at YOU YOU YOU, oh whoa is me, my life is bad, boo hoo, I have food, clothes, and a roof over my head but BOO HOO it’s not good enough I want to be like my neighbor or a celebrity. We have cell phone taking all these SELFIE shots all day long, HOW VAIN CAN WE BE? This is the most attention starved, self centered time in our society we need to just STOP!!! JUST STOP!!!

King Solomon one of the wisest men on earth says Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Ecclesiastes 1:2, self centeredness is not attractive let’s learn to be selfless in our daily lives, I’m using my ministry gift every other week at the women’s prison, I love witnessing to, praying for, crying with MY GIRLS, I couldn’t ask for a better gift and I’m learning to love writing, I’m new at this, I never took a writing class in high school so I’m steppin out on some serious faith in sharing my story through my writing with all of you. I welcome any comments, input, questions, or suggestions you may have. I’m working to develop my gifts through prayer, the word of God and faith because without faith it’s impossible to please God. I just mailed my jail ministry correspondence back to my assigned inmate, these lessons come in the mail bi-weekly, I read them, make comments of encouragement to them before sending it back to them.

We all must learn what our gifts from God are. We all have the ability to be successful in them when we use them for His glory after all that’s the basis of my Christian walk, I must share the love of Christ through my words and actions so that my family and friends can meet me in heaven when it’s time, LEARN YOUR PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE THROUGH THE USE OF YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS, the Lord can use our pasts mistakes to teach us faith in Him, instead of focusing on THE YOU during your trial focus on HIM, He will see you through. Pray for me as I will you all my followers. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. God bless my peeps

people at theater

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GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD, HE’S ALWAYS WORKING OUT OUR PROBLEMS FOR US BEHIND THE SCENES, JUST WHEN YOU THINK ALL IS LOST, HE STEPS IN, SHOWS UP, AND SHOWS OUT!!!

Today was a beautiful day, it was 80 days with a mild breeze, I decided to go for a run before going to the gym, after almost 2 hours total of both I went home to relax before work later in the evening. I was watching TV when I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in 2 months from outside my window, I thought I was hearing things at first but as the voice got closer to my door, I hear someone saying Miss Beesh Miss Beesh and as they approached my door I see my former neighbor who use to take advantage of My David when he was liking her and trying to have a relationship with her but she wasn’t interested so he stopped trying. 2 months later, after praying to God for guidance, he knocked on my door, plead his case, spoke to my heart and the rest is history!!!

My neighbor became angry with me once she found out about David and I, she hadn’t spoken to me in 2 months, we would see each other on occasion but no conversation would occur, I just saw her this past Sunday while I was walking my dog butchie, she IGGED ME (ignored) I kept a steppin’ without a second glance so imagine my surprise when she shows up at my door with her son whom I MISS TERRIBLY because I’ve been watching him since a week after he was born and he’s 2 now. I hadn’t seen him in a while, my neighbor lost temporary custody of he and his siblings over some mess so seeing him after all these months MADE MY DAY! He’s gotten so big, he still remembered me and after his initial chilling reception I got my SWEET HUGS AND KISSES FROM MY BABY BOY I am so happy I got to see him and his mom, I invited her into the house, we talked about the kids and how she was doing, she looked calm, happy, and excited to be feeling better, she’s been on an emotional downward spiral for the last 3 years I’ve known her.

She’s a product of selfish, self centered parents who left her and her sisters HIGH AND DRY as kids. The father left and started a new family with little to no contact with his older children for YEARS. Her mom is a recovering drug, alcoholic, and inmate who never taught her how to be a young lady, to adult woman so my neighbor has been raising her kids BY THE SEAT OF HER PANTS. She finally had an emotional breakdown, she’s on medication and will go to court to get her children back next month, I told her I was happy for her, we hugged again then as she was leaving I told her that we’ve been in each other’s lives for years and nothing or no one will come between us. She agreed as she walked down the stairs heading to her apt chasing my sweet baby boy.

I thanked God as soon as she left, I never expected her to come to my door to make amends, I’m so glad she did. I will be cautious of her because of her history with David. I trust My David and her to a point, I can’t wait to see her other 2 kids on the weekend. These past 2 months God has been working behind the scenes speaking to her heart and mind to make amends with me He always bless me in 2’s, it’s been that way all my life. He brought MY DAVID to my door in increments of 2’s, my daughter as well, and now my neighbor. Just in case you missed the backstory, my David pursued a relationship with my neighbor for months but she just used him for money and cars with promises of sex but never delivering, spending his money on boys she was actually sleeping with while leaving him hanging and dangling on a string, He finally got tired of her, left her alone and began praying to God for guidance on how to approach me.

He knocked on my door, plead his case, opened his heart to me while speaking to my heart in the process I love him more than words could say, the Lord is truly awesome and always in the blessing business, I don’t hold grudges, it’s very difficult for me and against my personality the Lord has taught me to forgive no matter, it’s not easy at times but I do it because HE REQUIRES IT!! I forgive the 2 men who sexually assaulted me and my dad and uncle too that’s why it’s easy to forgive my neighbor. I feel sorry for her, I can’t imagine living without parental guidance as a kid, I’ll keep praying for her and will stop by to see her every now and then I can’t wait to see MY CHURRINS again (the kids)

THANK YOU LORD FOR LOVE AND FORGIVENESS, PLEASE HELP ME TO FORGIVE OTHERS AND SEE THEM AS YOU SEE THEM, LET THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH AND MEDITATION OF MY HEART BE ACCEPTABLE IN THY SIGHT OH LORD MY STRENGTH AND MY REDEEMER. AMEN

LEARN FORGIVENESS, IT’S CRUCIAL, I RECENTLY SHARED AT A CA MEETING (COCAINE ANONYMOUS) THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE ROOM UNDERSTOOD THE REAL MEANING OF FORGIVENESS IN THE WAY GOD INTENDED THEN THE ROOM WE WERE MEETING IN WOULD BE EMPTY!!  THINK ABOUT IT.  Much love my peeps, thanks for your support, send me a comment if like my posts see ya’ll soon