Hello everyone! How have you all been since I last posted? Me, well I must say that I’m still living in my wilderness time with the Lord. It’s been an amazing ride especially those times when things look bleak and I thought I couldn’t take another problem directed at me. At these times I’ve learned to lean on Jesus for the strength I need to get through yet another difficult time in my life, in my earlier posts I was telling you how my mom is suffering from PTSD and she’s refusing to acknowledge this condition because of her belief in the Lord, well sometimes, the Lord allows us to experience horrible tragedies in our lives and during this time we must learn to go through these terrible times with prayer and reading of the word. My mom’s refusal to acknowledge her PTSD is partly because of pride, she always had to be the strong spiritual one in the family so any signs of weakness will cause her to go into PRIDE MODE in order to save face and not look like a hypocrite to her family and friends, she’s making choices with her life and MEN that are completely taking me by surprise, and we were finally able to communicate after not speaking for over 2 months about her choice in men.
I listened to her trying to rationalize her relationship with her new boyfriend, the more I heard, the angrier I became because this man is TROUBLE WITH A CAPITAL T., he’s worst than my mother’s previous husband who also treated her badly and now she has divorced him, my problem is that the INK ON HER DIVORCE PAPERS WASN’T DRY BEFORE SHE BEGAN A NEW RELATIONSHIP AND SHE’S GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR LIKE A HIGHSCHOOL GIRL IN LOVE, IT’S DISGUSTING!!!.I’m glad that my mom and I are speaking again, I missed not hearing from her, life is too short to be holding grudges, tomorrow is not promised to any of us I’m glad we’re not wasting anymore time on this Junk that doesn’t matter BUT I AM CONCERNED FOR HER SAFETY. The Lord also reunited me with the guy I was seeing, we stopped talking shortly after my mom and I stopped talking and the whole time we weren’t speaking I continued to pray for BOTH HE, MY MOM AND MYSELF because I wanted to make sure God knows that I’m NOT HOLDING BITTERNESS AND UNFORGIVENESS IN MY HEART TOWARDS THEM, although they hurt me and I’m sure I hurt them, it’s hard for me to hold a grudge because of my strong belief in forgiveness knowing that Jesus wants us to forgive others no matter what they do.
It was torture for me not hearing from my mom and my friend, they’re both very important to me and my spiritual walk with the Lord, I go to them for spiritual advice and encouragement when I’m going through my FIRERY FURNACE TIME, as Christians we should all have that one or two persons in our lives who allow us to be WHO WE ARE EVEN WHEN WER’E NOT ACTING VERY CHRISTIANLY and my mom and friend are those people to me and that’s why whenever we have an issue I try to squash it as soon as I can before it blows into this major THING it doesn’t need to become and ruin our spiritual relationship.
While all this was going on I began to experience car troubles, my apartment complex is stressing us over the new rules and regulations the owner has them jumping hoops over, my clients are TRIPPIN OFF THE PLANET, the community is just as ignorant as ever, people rolling their eyes at me for WEARING MY “TRUMP THE FLYEST PRESIDENT HAT, my family is just as carnal and divided as ever, my PTSD symptoms are rearing it’s ugly head to where some days I want to scream “CALGON TAKE ME AWAY”. I began reading my bible more, praying and crying out to God for help in navigating my way through these challenges and when I felt like I had nothing left, JESUS STEPPED IN TO SAVE THE DAY, He began intervening on my behalf, my car troubles were minor, He made sure I didn’t have to spend a lot of money to get it fixed, HE ALSO PROVIDED ME A MINISTER FRIEND WHO LOANED ME NOT ONE BUT 2 OF HIS CARS ( I HAD TWO SEPERATE BREAKDOWNS WITHIN A MONTHS TIME) WITHOUT PAYING FOR THEIR USE, AND A TIME WHERE RENT IS GOING UP AND WAGES ARE GOING DOWN, JESUS HAS BLESSED ME TO NOT ONLY SEE A WAGE INCREASE BUT MY RENT IS NOW LOWER THAN IT’S EVER BEEN, all because I kept my mind, heart, soul, and spirit on Him and His word AND the promises He made to never leave me nor forsake me.
I’ve been on such a spiritual high from God’s blessing me, I’m now working on my PTSD ISSUES I’m looking into receiving counseling and veteran’s benefits for my PTSD, it’s been a long time coming, I’m tired of living in BONDAGE WITHOUT BEING BEHIND BARS, there are many people living like this and they don’t have to if they trust Jesus enough to fix them and their problems, HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN. I believe the therapists will be a big help and I’m looking forward to beginning my life anew OUTSIDE OF NUMBVILLE WITH THE LORD’S HELP BY WAY OF THERAPY, I want to be a better CHRISTIAN FOR CHRIST, A BETTER WOMAN FOR THE HUSBAND GOD HAS FOR ME, A BETTER DAUGHTER TO MY MOM, A BETTER MOTHER TO MY DAUGHTER, AND BETTER FRIEND TO MY FRIENDS and that will come with FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED IN GOD’S HEALING POWER THROUGH HIS WORD so I will read more and more each day praying for deliverance from demonic forces that have been trying to take me out since birth, I FOR ONE AIN’T HAVIN’ IT, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I’m so thankful that God is still in the blessing business even when I’m struggling, it’s important to know that when you make a mistake REPENT, GET UP AND KEEP GOING FORWARD, NEVER STOP GROWING IN THE LORD OVER TIME YOUR ISSUES WILL FADE AWAY AND YOU WILL BE THE KINGDOM MAN OR KINGDOM WOMAN GOD WANTS YOU TO BE. JUST HANG IN THERE IF HE’LL DO IT FOR ME, HE’LL DO IT FOR YOU,,,,,, HAVE FAITH!!!! BE BLESSED MY PEEPS