JULY 6, 2002 WAS A GREAT DAY FOR ME, THE EVENTS THAT OCCURED THIS DAY CHANGED THE COURSE OF MY LIFE AND LEAD ME ON THE PATH I’M WALKING TODAY!!
I was working at this warehouse where adults with mental disabilities were being trained to work and live in society on their own, I was a supervisor, I had my own crew, they were adults with Down Syndrome and I supervised as they assembled dental floss tools to be sold in stores. I met my child’s father here. he was a forklift driver who looked exactly like one of my favorite actors Sam Elliott, I was attracted to him from the moment I saw him it was LUST AT FIRST SIGHT AND I WANTED HIM BADLY. I remember approaching him with this line “did anyone ever tell you you look like Sam Elliott?) He said” yes, all the time” I smiled at him and it was on and poppin’ from that point on. We hung out at work as much as we could, talking as friends, flirting here and there, but mainly platonic friendship.
I’m still livin’ in numbville, making choices based off of hurts from the past, displaying the same behaviors from MAN TO MAN, not choosing to take things slow by getting to know them and their goals in life, NOOOO I HAD TO JUMP STRAIGHT INTO BED with them DAY ONE, MINUTE ONE, SECOND ONE, ALL OF THE ABOVE. My identity was wrapped up in sex and men, then wander why they never wanted to get to know me personally. I SET THE TONE BY BEING A THIRSTY, DEHYDRATED, THOT!!
It was the weekend after the 4th of July, my child’s father and I planned on hooking up at a hotel in Upland Ca, it was our very first time having sex since we met, I rode the metrolink train and a bus to meet him, once I entered the room we went straight to the bed and began having sex, it was an amazing experience, he made me feel like a woman for the first time in my life it lasted for hours and once we finished he told me I was pregnant. I laughed at first but he assured me I was pregnant so once the weekend was over we went back to our daily lives as if nothin ever happened. I never thought about his statement again I came on my menstrual cycle the following month, BUT the second month I didn’t have a cycle so I thought about what he’d said, took a home pregnancy test and found out I was PREGNANT.
AT THAT MOMENT I HAD ALL THE FEELINGS YOU CAN IMAGINE BUBBLIN’ ON THE INSIDE but I wasn’t scared, I’d been babysitting my younger cousins since I was 9 so I was use to being around babies. My child’s father said he’d take care of us and THAT HE DID. He greeted me daily with a hug and belly rub to his daughter, then he set it up in the cafeteria for me to eat whatever I wanted and put it on his tab. I didn’t want for anything he was truly awesome. I had a terrible pregnancy, migraine headaches ALL DAY, EVERYDAY which created nauseum you couldn’t imagine on top of morning sickness. I walked everyday, drank plenty water, and craved Burger King fish sandwiches and fried pork chops. I couldn’t keep anything else down. The migraines made me dizzy even on rainy days and since I was in my first trimester I couldn’t take medicine it would hurt the baby so I had to SUFFER WITH PAIN ABOVE BOTH EYES ALL DAY!!
I carried my daughter for 5 n half months before going into labor the last week of the 5th month, I was having contractions at work but didn’t know it, I was only 5 months along. Once I got home I took a nap and woke up bleeding in bathroom. My best friend called the ambulance who took me to the hospital determining I was 4cm dilated and needing to be on bed rest for the rest of my term. I was given magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions but it didn’t help I still felt every dang one of those things so now I’m laid up in the bed not able to eat, drink, or sleep for 5 WHOLE DAYS, I was in labor for 5 days ladies, YES 1,2,3,4,5 DAYS 24 HOURS A DAY LABOR PAINS, it was horrible I was so ready for her to come and finally she did on the 2nd day of the week at 2:21pm at 1lb 8oz 21 inches long. (God always blesses me in 2’s He always has even to this day)
She was born at the beginning of her 6th month at 24 weeks a small but healthy baby girl at first she seemed okay for a few days but then she began swelling and turning orange in color. She looked like an orange humpty dumpty with wires and hoses dangling everywhere. I was SCARED TO DEATH AND ALL ALONE, BY THIS TIME HER FATHER HAD LEFT US AND GONE BACK TO HIS EX WHO’S NOW HIS WIFE AND HER KIDS. all the promises he made to us he broke, leaving me to deal with our daughter’s sickness mainly ALONE. She had a staph infection, yellow jaundice, cardiac thrombus, liver failure, and blindness in one eye. I was signing so many forms daily I couldn’t keep up, her pediatrician was the best, she really kept me informed on everything they were doing to my child, she had a condition only doctors in Germany knew how to treat so with consults from doctors all over the world they came up with a cure for her ailments.
It was tough looking at her suffer through all those months, having countless surgeries, lab work, tests and x rays, moving her from room to room. I felt alone and helpless I wanted to trade places with her many days, I didn’t know how much longer I could take seeing her in pain and not being able to help, all I could do was communicate with her through the incubator holes with my hands. We held hands all the time and still do to this day. My daughter fought hard to survive, her organs were extremely under developed, she could fit in my hand from being so small, she had a total blood transfusion, eye surgery, catheter placed in her neck, head was shaven bald because they ran out of veins to draw blood from so they were placed on her scalp. I will never forget her facial expression during this entire time, she reminded me of my mother, there was so much pain shown in each breath she took I don’t know how she was able to fight so hard to LIVE.
Abortion is a hot topic these days, I’ve known many women who aborted their babies I never judged them one way or the other, it wasn’t my place to say anything or at least that’s how I felt at the time. I know for ME, abortion was never an option, I never even considered it, I come from a big family, there’s over 200 of us from grandparents on down to 3rd cousins so abortion was never gonna be an option for me plus I was ready for a child by this time, I was in the process of adopting an unwanted child but the mother changed her mind at the last minute and the rest as they say is HERSTORY (Get it ?) HISTORY/HERSTORY! The Lord knew my heart was ready for a child so He blessed me with one a few months later. After seeing how hard she fought to survive her first 5 months of life makes me extremely proud of her as the perfectly healthy teenager she’s become today. She never cease to amaze me as she’s working now and helping around the house, when she sleeps I sometimes watch her thinking back to all those years ago when she was close to death and God healed her.
I placed bible scriptures around her the entire time, I prayed for the Lord to heal her and He did, so I could never abort my child, she’s apart of me and although you may get rid of the child, you’ll never forget the child and you will feel guilty once you decide to have more children down the road. God doesn’t want us to abort our children, I can’t imagine my life without my daughter, she has bought me so much joy and purpose in life and I love her with all my being, Those of you who’ve had abortions know that Jesus loves you no matter what, He will forgive you if you ask Him and know that if you trust Him as your personal Lord and Savior you can be forgiven and saved by His grace so that you can see your baby again in heaven with Him. I pray for all those involved in the abortion process, I love them all with the love of Christ and I pray we as WOMEN LEARN OUR VALUE AND WORTH IN GOD’S EYES SO THAT WE CAN SEE THE VALUE IN THE LIVES OF OTHER’S ESPECIALLY THE BABIES!!
I thank you God for healing my daughter, I look forward to watching her grow into the amazing woman of God you blessed her to be, I pray you continue to guide my footsteps in all my works concerning her, my David and my life. This is why I chose not to abort my child and I’M GLAD I STUCK TO MY GUNS!! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Pray for me as I’ll pray for all of you my followers BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERY DAY