MY WEDDING DAY IS FAST APPROACHING THE ROAD TO GETTING THERE HAS BEEN THE DIRECT OPPOSITE, THE PARTY’S OVER IT’S TIME TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!
When MY DAVID knocked on my door to let me know how he felt about me I was extremely nervous until I prayed asking God to give me His peace that passes all understanding about David and once He did I began falling in love with him and the idea of the marital relationship we will have and thought “WOW I FEEL LIKE I’M ON A CLOUD OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE PEACHES AND CREAM, ROSES AND VIOLETS ALL DAY EVERYDAY”, WOW WAS I LIVING ON FANTASY ISLAND OR WHAT, THE ROAD TO MARRIAGE HAS BEEN NOTHING LIKE PEACHES AND CREAM. it’s been quite a challenge since we’ve began our relationship, I’m not naïve I’m older and wise enough to know that relationships aren’t easy so I’m not surprised by the challenges I welcome them it allows me to know whom and what I will be dealing with once we’re married.
I was living on cloud nine with a “high” I can’t explain, My David had spoken words my heart had longed to hear but never in those words did he tell me about the issues he’s dealing with in the process like selfishness, resistance of change in every area of his life, his OBSESSION with the 2 dogs, and the dysfunctional relationship he has with his family and how it has shaped him into the man he is today. OMG WHAT AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO???? Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE MY DAVID but he has some serious issues that are in some ways the same as my issues because I’M DAMAGED GOODS TOO FROM PEOPLE IN MY PAST, so I’m not judging him at all but some of his issues are the direct opposite of who I am and my ways of handling life and all it’s problems.
I’m more of a laid back, who cares, oh well, let’s come up with a solution to the problem and keep on keepin’ on with living life kind of person, My David is the opposite, he stresses over the silliest of situations and circumstances, he’s so DRAMATICA AND WHINY, IT DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY BECAUSE I DESPISE WHINY PEOPLE ESPECIALLY WHINY MEN example, we brought the dogs to our city house for the weekend, mamas like to walk from room to room most of the day just because she can, on one of the laps she drooled on one of David’s slippers so when he went to put them on he YELLED LOUDLY “OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT IS THIS” while bringing his slippers to me in the kitchen, coincidentally I was startled by his outburst so I began walking to the room where he was and we met on the way with his shoes in hand pointing at this SPOT OF DOGGY DROOL THE SIZE OF A DIME on his shoe and overreacting as if the dog had vomited food on his shoe. Once I saw what all the hoopla was about I looked at him with this look in my eye that could kill if I wanted it to, and said “IS THAT IT? WITH SARCASM AND CONTEMPT IN MY VOICE AND ON MY FACE!!!
He went on and on about how gross it is and how he gets tired of cleaning up after dogs and yelled at mamas just for drooling on his shoe the size of a dime ohhh, HOW DARE SHE!!!! I went OFF ON HIM, I said “ARE YOU SERIOUS? Stop yelling at her, she’s 16 years old, don’t you EVER let me hear you yelling at her again, she’s a dog, guess what? THEY DROOL, DUHHH! He looked at me with frustration and guilt because he knew I was right and so he apologized to us both and continued his day. He gets so up tight and tense over everything little bitty situation, he’s set in his routine and won’t budge an inch without whining the entire time, EXAMPLE. his birthday he didn’t have his breakfast smoothie and pills because he failed to bring the with him each time we come to the city house for the weekends so when it was time to celebrate with our friends by going out to eat, HE BEGAN WHINING ABOUT HOW HE HASN’T HAD HIS NUTRITION BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I told him to shut up about it and let’s go eat in a tone that wasn’t becoming of a birthday celebration thinking OMG STOP WHINING UGHH with a smile on my face the whole time to hide my disgust and anger.
He resist change, he still wants to live like a bachelor expecting me to adapt to his environment and ways instead of compromising and meeting me somewhere in the middle. He resist and resist and resist to where I get frustrated and leave the room, eventually he’ll come apologize and give in once he thinks about it and realize I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG, GEEZ IF HE WOULD JUST TAKE THAT AS A GIMME AUTOMATICALLY, WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS NONSENSE EACH TIME!! LOL He then tells me he would get better but after 4 months HE HASN’T at least to my expectations, we still butt heads over combining our incomes, he bringing items to the city house to have there when he needs them, combining our bills, our individual habits, ways, etc.. he tends to think his way is the best way, his ideas are the best ideas and any others is just garbage you can keep to yourself. I let him know that he’s not the moral high ground ruler we all need to follow, his ways are not the BE ALL THAT ENDS ALL way to be, who does he think he is GOD OUR CREATOR?
He’s been driving me nuts for weeks but we’re still alive and kickin’ I’ve been trippin’ enough on my own with my issues and therapy to not have to deal with him and his issues. I don’t know if I have the patience sometimes or if I’m willing to put up with this selfishness, I know we all have a percentage of selfishness in us, I know I do especially since I’m an only child with my parents while married. I can be selfish but not to My David’s extent, I find myself praying a lot for patience in dealing with him because I need patience and understanding as well while I continue to work on myself with help from the Lord through prayer, church, bible study with our friends, and His word. He’s the only One who could help us have an awesome relationship/marriage and we will not give up on each other no matter what.
He’s made a comment or two about us splitting up but fear would stop him from following through once he takes the time to think about what he’d be losing in making such a drastic decision. Fear is a big part of recovery for addicts and alcoholics, he struggles with it daily, I’m not fearful at all and don’t understand the concept of fear but I’m willing to learn how I can help my husband to be to become less fearful, resistant, and selfish and become more contempt, at ease, and relaxed about our future. He loves me, I have no doubt about it, he’s such a wonderful man in spite of his struggles and my frustrations with him and them I LOVE HIM and I WILL BE THE HELPMEET GOD CREATED ME TO BE JUST FOR HIM (MY DAVID). Yes, the honeymoon is over and the real work is just beginning, the Lord has been training me all these years through trials and tribulations for this VERY MOMENT IN TIME and I WILL NOT GIVE UP, WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS IN OUR MARRIAGE and our LIVES.
I accept My David for who he is, it’s not my job to change him, it’s the Lord’s job and He can do it better than I can so I MUST LET HIM!! The invitations are mailed, we’re excited about our future and we thank the Lord for bringing us together, we’ll continue to work on US together and separately with help from God, THANK YOU LORD FOR THE GIFT OF LOVE, Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer Amen. BE BLESSED MY PEEPS