I’M A BIG FAN OF THE ARTS, I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN SINCE I WAS YOUNG. I LOVE THE GRACE AND EASE THE DANCER DISPLAYS WITH EACH MOVE THEY MAKE. I ENVIED THOSE WHO COULD FLIP AND TUMBLE WITH SUCH EASE AND WISHED IT COULD BE ME BUT IT NEVER WAS…………..UNTIL NOW
Hey my peeps I know it’s been a minute since my last post, I’m in the middle of planning my wedding, looking for a house to move into with my new husband, signing up to care for a Down Syndrome young lady in my home, my daughter is TRIPPIN’ AND SMELLIN’ HERSELF HERE AS OF LATE, PTSD therapy sessions, working, jail ministry with my church and through the mail, AND PREMARITAL COUNSELING WITH MY PASTOR. Yes, I have that much going on right now and it’s been quite overwhelming. My David and I are continuing to work on our issues, we’ve grown in some areas and have stalled in others so we know how much more work we need to do in order to have a successful marriage. We had a serious blowup recently because he was more concerned about his dog’s well being than he was mine, this is what happened, we were transporting our dogs to our city home for the weekend like we’ve always done and mammas decides to bark and boo boo in my car while I’m driving, David began consoling her trying to calm her down not paying any attention to my needs and feelings before, during, or after the road trip to the house, by this time I’m so angry I could scream!!!
I left him outside as I went into the house to pray, David really hurt my feelings, I was crying like a baby, I only cry when I’m really, really, mad so imagine the tears I was shedding while talking to the Lord about my pain. As I was praying David came in looking at me while I’m kneeling, sat in his recliner grabbing his phone in the process and scanning through it while I’m BALLIN’ uncontrollably, he never asked if I was okay or nothing he just sat there like a bump on a log while I’m crying and praying. Once I realized he wasn’t concerned about my state of mind I went to my bedroom to finish crying eventually pulling myself together before returning to the living room where David was sitting. He still hadn’t asked me how I was feeling or anything and I was growing angrier by the second so after what seemed like eternity, I decided to let him know how I felt about him and his dogs at that moment.
In a calm voice I told him how I felt disconnected from him giving the dogs more affection than he does me, how that makes me feel and what I wasn’t going to put up with. He tends to put his family, the dogs, and his AA members and their needs before mine he’s been doing it since we first got together and I’ve not said anything because I didn’t want to come across as anti family and anti animal lover because neither is further from the truth but I was at my breaking point on this day so I politely communicated by feelings to him, I refused to hear any excuses, or comments, I just needed him TO LISTEN, NOT JUST HEAR ME!! I refused to allow him to comment, he was forced to sit through almost an hour of lectures from me concerning WHAT I NEED FROM HIM AS MY HUSBAND to feel complete and appreciated. I felt as if I was giving him 100 percent of my feelings and time but only receiving 33 1/3 from him after he divided his concern between his family and 2 dogs. He babies those dogs, treating them like they’re newborns they can’t be dirty, hot, cold, hungry, or in the dark, if they become any of these things HE HAS A COW OR BUFFALO until he fix the matter.
It’s extremely frustrating to see him acting this way considering HE CAME TO ME interested in a relationship with me and in doing that he should’ve been ready for the sacrifices he must make when being in one. I’m ready and willing to sacrifice whatever I needed to in order to make my husband happy and feeling appreciated. I can only pray for us to put more focus on pleasing each other instead of others and we’ll be okay.
I also got to teach my first message at the women’s prison service, it was really fun, I wasn’t nervous at all, I was excited to finally get to speak. I’ve been involved with jail ministry most f my adult life, my mom was the director of prison fellowship for years that’s how I became involved. The ladies were very attentive to my message, they never talked the whole time nor did they leave the room to use the bathroom, I TRANSFORMED INTO TUPAC SHAKUR when he felt as if ALL EYEZ ON ME, all the ladies’ eyes were focused on me and the words the Lord was giving me to say to them, of course I added a little humor to the mix, after all God does have a sense of humor and I love making people laugh. My message lasted an hour, the ladies didn’t want me to stop but I had to follow the rules as not to be kicked out of the program, my title was ENDURING YOUR RACE, it was about not giving up on this wonderful life no matter how hard or difficult it gets, you must put your head down, pray, read the bible, fast, and GET TO STEPPIN’. I’m still enduring my race but now I have more help to deal with it than before. Thank you God for sending my HELPMEET to me.
David was blessed with a full time gig. He works salary and gets paid weekly. We’re planning on buying a lot to build our house on in a couple years, David will do the work, PLUS HE’S GETTING CALLS FOR EXTRA WORK HE NOW HAS TO FIND TIME TO DO, ever since we decided to live our relationship according to God’s word by praying daily, attending church weekly, paying tithes and offerings, bible studies with fellow AA members, and BEING CELIBATE HE HAS CONTINUED TO BLESS US IN WAYS THAT WE HAVE NO ROOM ENOUGH TO RECEIVE. He’s been faithful to us and the effort we’re putting into living a holy and Godly lifestyle, it hasn’t been easy WALKING BY FAITH, at times we wandered if the phone would ever ring again asking him to fix a house AND IT HAS, HE JUST CALLED TO TELL ME ANOTHER COUPLE WANTS HIM TO DO WORK FOR THEM when he’s available, ALL I CAN SAY IS THANK YOU JESUS FOR BLESSING AND LOVING US even when we’re not perfect.
The wedding plans are coming along great, everything is falling into place, I have no doubt it’s the Lord and His love for us. All the years the devil has stolen my PEACE, JOY, SLEEP, MONEY, AND MY MIND, God is now blessing me with what the cankerworms Satan has stolen from me since I was 9 years old financially, emotionally, and mentally and I couldn’t be happier. The Lord loves us so much, He wants to bless us with the desires of our hearts but we must DO OUR PART BY FOCUSING ON THE JOB HE CREATED US TO COMPLETE in winning souls to the kingdom before Jesus’ return. I’m looking forward to the next time I teach at the prison, I LOVE PRISON MINISTRY THANK YOU GOD FOR THE GIFT OF MINISTRY AND HELPS may I do this to the glory of God. My therapy sessions are going great too, I’m feeling better and better each week I get to attend, I’m tired of living in bondage from my past, I want to be FREE FROM BONDAGE AND I WILL BE FREE in Christ Jesus OUR LORD.
We had our first premarital counseling session with our pastor, it went very well and we’re both looking forward to the next session. We answered questions from a program called PREPARE/ENRICH for married couples to get an idea on where we struggle individually and as a couple. I learned a lot about myself, the GOOD AND THE BAD, I’m so glad MY DAVID loves me enough to not leave me no matter my flaws. We’re taking full advantage of the time we have with our pastor, he has a successful God filled marriage and we want a successful God filled marriage so we’re taking notes, asking questions, and listening to each other to make sure we’re changing for the better. I AM SO HAPPY, I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE THIS HAPPY after all the hurt and pain I’m still experiencing I’m going to enjoy it and my David for as long as I can. My daughter’s mouth is going to get her A TRIP TO THE DENTIST IF SHE DOESN’T WATCH IT, she made me so mad talking back and disrespecting me I came real close to PUNCHING HER IN THE THOAT!! (Not throat) but cooler heads prevailed so I avoided any contact with her until she began to reflect on her bad behavior and apologize for disrespecting me talking back and smart aleck to me.
In spite of the drama the Lord is still blessing me, HE CAN BLESS YOU TOO BUT YOU MUST DO YOUR PART SO THAT HE CAN DO HIS, start by repenting of your sins, crying out to the Lord for forgiveness and turning away from THE SINS THAT SO EASILY BESET US, HE WILL FORGIVE YOU AND BLESS YOU ACCORDINGLY. My husband and I will remain faithful to Him, IT’S MANDATORY, in order for us to continue to enjoy God’s blessings, HE WILL DO IT FOR YOU IF YOU LET HIM. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer, THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME EVEN WHEN I’M NOT ACTING LOVABLE AND BY ANSWERING MY TEENAGE PRAYER OF SENDING “MY DAVID” MY HELPMEET to me to LOVE, HONOR, RESPECT, AND OBEY UNTIL DEATH DO US PART, YES I SAID OBEY!!!! We must OBEY someone as long as you live on this earth so why not start while you can on your own terms instead of being FORCED TO OBEY!!! I love you Lord, I love my daughter, and I love my David thank you for allowing me to dance in you presence with thanksgiving and love. You gave me the love of dance and I will dance to your glory. Be blessed today and always my peeps AND DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!