Preacher Kid Confessions

The true story of one woman's journey in faith

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Hey ya’ll I hope ya’ll are well, this day is a bad day for me, I was awaken at 530am by a call from mama informing me one of my cousins who was raised with me like a sister when we were kids was MURDERED last night by a man who’d been stalking her. I’M NUMB AND IN SHOCK, she was only 40 years old with 2 kids and 1 grandchild and now she’s gone, FOREVER!! She’s my second cousin to have been murdered in the last 20 years, my other male cousin was shot to death in his home while defending his sister from her abusive baby daddy once she left him and moved in with her brother tired of being beat up on a daily basis, he walked to the door of my cousin’s house yelling through the door as my cousin attempted to diffuse the situation, the guy shot 6 times through the door striking my cousin in the chest killing him in front of his wife, kids, mother (my aunt), and sister and now here we are ONCE AGAIN BURYING A COUSIN FROM A VIOLENT ACT!!! WOW I’M JUST NUMB!!!

My cousin did the right thing LEGALLY by filing restraining orders and notifying others of her stalking but nothing stopped him from breaking into her house and strangling her to death, he then drove her to the hospital leaving her there for people to walk by staring at her as she lay there DEAD. He then drove her car to my aunt’s home left it there with no explanation and fled the scene. He turned himself into the police later I’m sure we’ll find out what happens next in the near future, in the meantime I must begin my mourning process for my cousin who grew up with me more as a sister than cousin, my cousins and I spent every weekend with each other throughout our childhood, our grandmother was our parent’s free babysitter so we all meet at grandma’s each day to play, fight, and eat.

The timing of this couldn’t be more strange, I just finished early voting, this go around the voters were more prepared to vote so I spent most of my time joking around, giving men and women compliments on their outfits (some of them were SHARP AS A TACK), MOST IMPORTANTLY, I spent my time witnessing and praying for people who were hurting. One girl just lost her best friend so I asked if I could pray for her, she consented and I prayed for her on the spot for healing and comfort during her bereavement time, shortly thereafter a regular voter came in this time without her husband, she was crying as she stood in line to get her application to vote, she began talking to my boss who she’s known for years continuing to cry between sentences. Once she finished her conversation she came to me as I put my arm around her leading her to the voting machine to vote not knowing why she was so upset and not caring the reason just sensing in my spirit that I needed to pray for her AND SO I DID, I put both arms around her, holding her as she cries and I began praying for her. I felt so sorry for her I wished I could do more but at that time prayer to me seemed to be the safest bet.

Once we finished praying together, she thanked me, and hugged me again before starting her voting process so I walked away to get my next customer. Lastly, a single woman who’s been searching for a husband has become discouraged because of time passing and no opportunities on the horizon. As she told me her story I remembered being in her same position 7 months ago before MY DAVID came knocking on my door, so once she finished venting, I told her MY STORY and how I had to SIT DOWN IN ORDER TO BE FOUND, it motivated her to KEEP ON KEEPIN ON and she left feeling more bubbly than she did when she arrived because without faith it’s impossible to please God and I’ve always had faith the Lord would send me my husband WHEN HE FELT I WAS READY FOR HIM!

WE JUST GOT THE AUTOPSY REPORT ON MY COUSIN, she died from a heart attack while being assaulted and choked to death, there are marks on her neck and big patches of hair missing from her head  down to the roots, the detectives have vowed to get some answers and solve this case giving me and my family the closure we need to move forward. I’ve prayed for my family in between mourning my cousin, my heart is broken for her and her kids, I can only hope this tragedy can bring our broken family back together, we’ve been estranged for quite some time, my mom and I’ve been praying we get it together before it’s too late NOW IT’S TOO LATE WE MUST STOP THE DIVISION AND COME TOGETHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

I will continue to lean on the Lord during this time, David has been super supportive of me since this morning waiting on me hand and foot trying his best to make me feel better in any way he can, I love him so much for being there for me and mama, the Lord knew what I needed and when and I will keep trusting His judgement concerning my life after all He created me in His image and knows me better than I know myself. The bible says, “Weeping endures for a night BUT JOY comes in the morning”. I will mourn my little cousin for a MINUTE, then I’ll JOY FROM THIS DAY FORWARD. Please don’t hesitate to repair damaged relationships, tomorrow is not promised to NO ONE. Please keep us in prayer, will talk to you soon my peeps.  BE BLESSED


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I’m sitting at work this holiday day with my papa whose going to be giving me away in 3 weeks at my wedding. I’m getting more and more excited about becoming “MRS. MY DAVID” I can hardly contain myself, we’re BOTH excited because we won’t have to worry about disappointing God by fornicating before marriage, we’ll finally be HUSBAND & WIFE and legal to be together sexually. I’d be lying if I said it was easy not being intimate with David, he’s an extremely handsome and sexy man and with my sexual addiction it makes it twice as hard to sustain from sex BUT OUR MINDS AND HEARTS WERE SET ON STAYIN’ CELIBATE UNTIL OUR WEDDING NIGHT NOT DISAPPOINTING AND DISRESPECTING GOD He means more to us individually and as a couple to risk shaming Him even if it’s in the privacy of our own home.

We’re also excited because we’re in love and want to live our lives together for as long as the Lord allows we’ve been working hard on our issues, we’re both strong willed people who’s been single and taking care of ourselves for a long time learning how to compromise and co-exist under one roof, adding the death of his long time pet Butcher, it’s been quite a struggle but it has bought us closer together and made it worth while. Wesson has definitely made a huge difference with David, he was standoffish with him at first, I understood that it would be but I wasn’t gonna let him treat Wesson different because he wasn’t Butcher.

It took a couple days but Wesson has won his heart and won him over, he’s making up silly little songs about Wesson, he tells him he loves him and he takes him for walks in the morning. He’s attempting to train him to be more obedient just like he did with Butcher and Mamas, I’m leaving it up to him because he knows what to do, I DON’T HAVE A CLUE, NOR DO I WANT A CLUE on how to train dogs. They’re playing fetch, and wrestling on the floor like two big kids until Wesson get too excited and begins to bite.

We rode the bike to get Butcher’s ashes from the clinic, it was rough for me at first, my concern was how David would react, he misses Butchie, we both do but he was closer to him than I was. Wesson is only 1 yrs old and very energetic, he does the funniest things while playing he’s been a joy and frustration at the same time but he’s also been the perfect healing for MY DAVID’S HEART ACHE, his heart was shattered into a million pieces when Butcher died I thank God for creating dogs to piece back together the hearts of those who have lost their FURRY FAMILY ON FOUR LEGS AND I’M GLAD TO ADD DAVID TO THE LIST.

He’s my hero and the love of my life, thank you Lord for knowing ME better than ME, I couldn’t have prayed for a better man to be my helpmeet and friend as you My God intended us to be, may we continue to grow in you, your word and in each other TIL DEATH DO US PART!! Thank you for our extended families and the fact that we GET ALONG although we’ve never met give, me the wisdom to know when and how to be a responsible, loving, and supportive mother/grandmother figure to our children/grandchildren AS WELL AS TO MY HUSBAND AND SUPPORTER who you sent knocking on my door to change my life for the better (although my life was great before).

Welcome to our family my perfect WessonAlity, you are a blessing and quite the addition to our home, thank you Lord for being our Jehovah Jireh our provider by supplying all our needs according to YOUR riches and glory through Christ Jesus our Lord. Phillipians 4 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in THY SIGHT, oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERYDAY LIKE ME

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There’s a saying I heard on a song, it’s the theme for the sitcom Empty Nest from the 80’s, in the song, the beginning verse says “Life goes on and so do we” and I’ve tried to live by that statement over the years, it’s not always easy but it’s plausible. We lost our Butcher 2 days ago, My David’s having a hard time right now and I completely understand, he’s been with Butcher since he was a puppy and now he’s gone after 12 years, if I was in his position I’d be reacting this way too but WE MUST MOVE ON, Butcher is gone and we must keep living our lives no matter how much we miss him.

We knew we would get another dog, it was just a matter of when it would happen, we were looking on the adopt a pet website and saw the most beautiful brown pit bull named WESSON. He looks like Butcher and his brother JoJo, he’s 1 1/2 years old, he’s a stray who was left alone in the elements for weeks before he was rescued by animal control. He has beautiful brown eyes to match his beautiful brown coat, there’s a patch of white on his nose and he’s HYPERRRRRRRR!!!! This weekend is adopt a pet weekend, the adoption fee is waived and they’re giving animals away for FREE so we rushed to animal control to get WESSON MY NEW PUPPY!

He took to us immediately, jumping and licking us any and everywhere while we wait for his paperwork to adopt to be finalized. We got OUR WESSON, I call him MY PERFECT WESSONALITY, it was a chore getting him into the car, he kept running away until finally we were able to coral and place him into the hatchback where he stayed a whole minute before jumping into front seat while I’m driving on the freeway, David is working MY RESERVE NERVE, he’s showing favoritism  between the dogs, he’s standoffish with Wesson simply because he’s not Butcher, he’s making comments like “he’s not my dog”, he’s not eating out of Butcher’s bowl, he’s not gonna chew on Butcher’s bed, he’s not gonna play with Butcher’s toys, YADA, YADA, YADA, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and he’s angering me to no avail.

I don’t like him mistreating WESSON because he’s mourning Butcher, I understand he’s hurting but Butcher is gone and we must move on, I’m not trying to replace Butcher in the house or in his heart, he must learn to see Wesson for who he is and not for who he’s NOT!!! He’s been making little comments since we got him and I don’t like it, I had to tell him to SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY and after awhile he decided to TAKE A CHILL PILL AND CHILL UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE. He’s doing a lot better today, he’s more relaxed and friendlier with Wesson, He is definitely a handful  (Wesson is too) lol and he’s taken over the reigns of training him to be more obedient ( WAIT A MINUTE WHAT AM I THINKIN’ HE’S NOT THAT OBEDIENT HIMSELF LOL).

Wesson has a great personality, he’s hyper, running around all over the place chasing invisible objects, tail waggin’, run, run, run, now he’s laying ON MY FEET AS I’M TYPING, LITTLE DOES HE KNOW MY FOOT IS FALLIN’ ASLEEP FROM HIS MUSCULAR WEIGHT ON ME but it’s okay I want him to be comfortable with me. I’m looking forward to this next stage of our lives, although we lost Butcher, we have Wessonality to fill the void and to keep mamas company. It will take a while for her to get use to Wesson, she’s missing Butcher and was wincing for him earlier, she’s nervous from all Wesson’s hyperness, I can just imagine what’s going through her mind now that he’s here. I can only guess, but here’s some examples of what Mamas’ is thinking while watching Wesson run around, “MAN YOU DOIN’ THE MOST!!!, SHOOT I’M TIRED YOU CAN DO ALL THAT RUNNIN’ IF YOU WANT TO, I’M CHILLIN’, MAN YOU BETTER GO ON WITH THAT!! DUDE, GO SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE YOU GETTIN’ ON MY NERVES!!! LOL I’m sure those are things Mamas might be thinking watching Wesson, she’s a funny lady dog and we love havin’ she and Wesson apart of our family.

WELCOME HOME WESSON! YOU’RE NO LONGER A STRAY AND LIVING ON YOUR OWN, YOU HAVE A FAMILY NOW AND A HOME WHERE YOU WILL BE LOVED LIKE OUR OWN. Thank you Lord for blessing me with Wesson, Mamas, Butcher, and mostly for MY DAVID the man you sent to find me when you thought I was ready to receive him. Take care my peeps I’ll keep ya’ll posted on Wesson and his progress, BE BLESSED ALL DAY EVERY DAY

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This is a sad day for My David and I because we put our puppy to sleep, we took him to his regular Vet for a final follow up before we had him euthanized. We wanted to get a second opinion on Butcher’s diagnosis before euthanizing him (for David’s peace of mind), so we drove him to the Vet where he was examined for about 5 mins before they came told us he has liver failure so after what seem FOREVER, we said our goodbyes, shedding tears of joy and pain before the Dr. came in with syringe in hand injecting the medicine through his IV as he began breathing harder and harder for a few seconds before FINALLY TAKING HIS LAST BREATHE AND PASSING AWAY!!!

I feel so bad for David, he’s truly mourning Butcher and I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, I know how close he is to his dogs and at times it angered me how much he showered them with affection but I never felt threatened by it because I understood their bond. He’s had Butcher since for 12 years old they were close so I know he’s gonna grieve Butcher for awhile and I’m prepared to support him in any way he needs me. My heart aches for him, he’s walking around the house grieving for his puppy so I’ll give him the space he needs and the love he deserves to get him, US, through this difficult period. We were gonna have them at our wedding standing next to us while we say our vows but now that won’t happen and although I’m sad he won’t be there physically, We’ll have his picture there TO REPRESENT HEYYY!!!

I’m missing Butcher, I realize now looking back yesterday that he was saying GOODBYE to me when he stood up for a final time laying his chin on the recliner beside my leg so I could GIVE HIM LOVE, he kept his eyes on me the whole time standing there for about 5 minutes before lying at my feet where he laid for the rest of the night as I left for work. I took him for a ride in our new car just last week, he always enjoyed riding in cars, we were attached too and I’m gonna miss him. GOODBYE MY BUTCHIE BABY BOY, thank you for protecting me and my child when David was at work, or counseling sessions, thank you for watching the house when we were gone AND THANK YOU FOR LYING NEXT TO MY BED OR AT THE FOOT OF THE BED ALLOWING ME TO SEE YOUR HANDSOME FACE (BESIDES YOUR DAD) FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

GOODBYE BUTCHIE BUTCH, I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, YOUR DADDY LOVE & MISS YOU AND SO DOES MAMAS! Thank you Lord for the time we had with Butcher, he was a wonderful dog and companion, be with us as we mourn his presence or lack of presence in our lives but NOT in our hearts, in Jesus’ name we pray and we thank You.  Amen

Thank you again my followers for reading my posts daily, I pray my struggles can help you navigate your way through yours with the help of the Lord. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen

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My David and I have been keeping a watchful eye on Butcher the last 3 or 4 days, we’ve gone through a range of emotions I haven’t felt since my daughter was born 4 months early and almost died so it’s been tough for us but especially for My David. He’s been worrying himself sick, his stomach is tied up in knots, and he has a headache. He’s been crying off and on concerned for Butcher and wandering whether or not he’ll need to put him to sleep. Butcher is still not eating but he’s drinking fluids we give him via syringe and he’s been keeping in down instead of vomiting it back up like he’d been doing previously.

I was sitting in my recliner checking my emails when all of a sudden Butcher gets up from the floor and began walking toward the leather loveseat he enjoy sitting on then all of a sudden out of the blue, he jumps up onto the loveseat and falls asleep. He laid there for an hour before he climbed down slowly back onto the floor. Once he was on the floor I grabbed my anointing oil from the mirror, dabbed my finger in it and laid my hands on Butcher praying for the Lord to heal Butcher from whatever was ailing him. I placed my hand on his stomach/abdomen area, his back, legs, and top of his head praying and speaking healing over him in Jesus’ name. I began thanking God for healing Butcher because I learned that when you pray it’s okay to ask God for something but you must also thank Him in advance for answering it and leave it at that so I did that very thing and left him alone after ending his prayer.

A few minutes passed I was cooking supper when suddenly I see Butcher getting up off the floor and began walking into the kitchen where I was watching him from my breakfast nook. I called David from the other room where he saw Butcher walking towards the water bowl and he got so excited I was happy for him. Butcher walked outside to use the bathroom but changed his mind when he heard  thunder and lightning and walked back into the house. He’s a little groggy from the pain pills but he’s able to walk on his own. He hasn’t been walking since Sunday, he’s been laying around sleeping off and on and not eating, when David would try to feed him he would turn his head away refusing to eat but today he’s taking everything he’s given and has only thrown up twice, he’s now standing in front of me as I’m typing these words waiting for me to GIVE HIM LOVE like he always does when I’m in my recliner, GOD IS GOOD, I HAVE FAITH BUTCHER WILL BE BETTER SOON, PRAYER WORKS, AND GOD IS FAITHFUL!!

Thank God I was hesitant about putting him down, we will take him back to his regular Vet to see if they see what the other Vet saw on Tuesday. It’s weird because I just took Butcher to his regular Vet in late June, we had blood work done and a complete physical too and they gave him a clean bill of health, heart, lungs, and all so it’s strange that he would get to this point in such a short time. The Vet the other day said his heart and lungs are in excellent condition so I’m quite confused as to how we got to this point. Anyways, we’re gonna continue to monitor him and if he begins acting that way again we will take him to his regular Vet to see what’s going on.

He’s looking around at everyone lying at my feet and watching every move David makes, he’s acting like himself again I’m so relieved and happy for both he and My David, maybe now he can stop working MY RESERVE NERVE worrying over our puppy. The bible says ” you desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You have not because you ask not. James 4:2 so I asked the Lord to heal Butcher and make him better and so far he’s acting like the Butcher of old and He heard my cry and answered my prayer,,,,.BUTCHER’S PRAYER!! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation in my heart be acceptable in Thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer and thank you for answering BUTCHER’S PRAYER AMEN

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We’ve been keeping a watchful eye on Butcher since Tuesday’s Vet visit, he’s not eating solid food but we’re able to give him his food in liquid form and he doesn’t throw it up as much as he was the day prior. He’s moving around from bed to bed, sitting up on his front legs while looking at us but he’s still not back to himself. We don’t expect him to (at least I don’t David is another story) I’m now okay with euthanizing, I don’t want to watch him suffer, David on the other hand is torn between what to do. He’s had Butcher since he was weened from his mother. They’re really close, David has trained him to pray and talk, he’s a smart dog and sweet as can be. He was never trained to be vicious he was loving, and gentle I became attached to him after the first day.

David slept with both of his dogs for years he kisses them hugs them SMOTHERS THEM WITH ATTENTION, they’ve been his companions for 12 and 15 years so I understand his struggle whether or not to euthanize Butcher I know how close they are. He’s an extremely sensitive man, very affectionate, and emotional I’ve never been with a man as sensitive as he and I have to learn how to deal with a man like him but he’s worth the effort. I’m concerned about him, he’s taking this real hard this isn’t an easy decision for him to make I know he will do the right thing eventually. Butcher and Mamas gave him unconditional love his family didn’t give him. He was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by his alcoholic parents being beaten with broomsticks and running away from home at 3 years of age because he couldn’t take anymore of the drama.

The puppies became his family and now one of them is dying, he now must mourn and grieve his family member the same as we would our human family member so I’m giving him the time to do that before he decides to end Butcher’s life. I feel sorry for him, he’s in pain and I’m gonna support him as much as I can to get him through this difficult time. I love him, I love the puppies, I’m gonna miss waking up with Butchie lying on the floor on my side of the bed licking my arm as I began petting his head. He also likes to sleep at the foot of the bed on his favorite rug until I wake up, I’m gonna miss my Butchie Butch, my Butchie Baby Boy and I love you Butch Butch!! Your NEW MAMA

Thanks again for the comments and advice my peeps I’ll keep ya’ll posted on the GOINGS ON (shout out to the late Bernie Mac) lol  Lord Jesus I pray you’re strength and comfort for my David during this difficult time give him the courage to do the right thing in the right time. HEYYY HE JUST JUMPED FROM THE FLOOR TO THE LOVE SEAT ON HIS OWN!!! WOW MY BUTCH BUTCH, in Jesus’ name we pray Amen


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A couple days ago Butcher was licking my arm as I petted him under his chin, from the first day I met him at David’s place, he gave me the run down on his history with our puppies, Mamas is 15, Butcher is 11, he’s extremely close to them kissing them all the time, hovering over them like a storm cloud, they can’t move an inch without him questioning their whereabouts, STOP, LAY DOWN, GO HERE. GO THERE, EAT THIS, DON’T EAT THAT, STOP, UGHHHH, MAN DUDE GO, all day everyday, I’m surprised they still have nerves left from him worrying them to death. He went from our hyper, fun Butcher to our lying around, not eating, eyes red, drooling Butcher so we took him to the Vet to run test this morning once I got home from working my overnight shift.

David is really hurting right now I feel so bad for him, he loves Butcher and Mamas as if they’re human beings, they’ve been his only constant all these years because of his estrangement with his family due to past drug and alcohol use. His parents are deceased, he’s close to his sister who lives near us and our Kids and Grands live out of state, so the dogs are all he’s had and now one of them is dying and we must decide what our next step must be, let him die naturally or have him euthanized, I personally don’t believe in euthanizing, I’m a caregiver by trade and have had clients die right in front of me.

I know the smell of death, once you’ve smelled it you’ll never forget it and once my clients get to that stage of life where death is seeping through their pores I know it’s a matter of time before their organs begin shutting down completely. The reason for the scent is because the organs are beginning to shut down and now the decision must be made to keep the client as comfortable as possible until they take their last breathe and I feel the same for Butcher. We found out he has a tumor in his abdomen, were not sure if it’s cancerous we were told he needed surgeries that would cost thousands of dollars with no promise of a cure  so we decided to bring him home.

We discussed euthanizing and cremation prices and decided to cremate him allowing him to die naturally IN HIS OWN TIME at home where he’s comfortable. I’M NOT GOD, WHO AM I TO TAKE A LIFE JUST TO PREVENT THEM FROM SUFFERING!!! In my 36 years of experience I’ve never had a client’s family put them to sleep simply to spare them of pain and suffering, they all were instructed to keep the patient as comfortable as possible until the end and that’s  exactly what they did, now we’re faced with the same dilemma with Butcher.

While we waited for the Vet to come back into the waiting room, David and I took pictures with Butcher showering him with love and affection trying hard not to cry in front of him sensing he’ll not want to fight to stay alive so we just hugged each other for about 5 minutes crying in each other’s arms quietly saying goodbye as reality is setting in that OUR BUTCHER WILL DIE IN A MATTER OF DAYS!! It’s been over 40 years since I had a dog, they all died over time by natural causes where we would find them deceased and buried them in our backyard, Butcher will be cremated just like David’s dogs in the past and he will send is ashes to his son in California who was extremely close to Butcher when he was a young boy and I must deal with David’s grief over losing his close companion of all these years.

He’s been crying off and on since this morning I don’t know what to do for him to make it better but I will try something in order to help him get through this bereavement period in his life. He’s lying on the floor next to our puppy lovin’ on him, saying his goodbyes silently with tears strolling down his face. My heart aches for David, I love him so, this is really tough for him but I have no doubt he will get through this, NO, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!! Neither of us feel comfortable enough to just take Butcher’s life all WILLY NILLY, we feel it’s not up to us it’s God’s call just like it is with human beings, besides if I as a caregiver decided to end my client’s life sooner than need be, they’d arrest me for murder and lock me up for life so I feel the same rule applies here in this situation, WHAT DO YA’LL THINK MY PEEPS I WELCOME ANY COMMENTS AND ADVICE, how would you handle this situation? Feel free to comment.

David has said from day one that Butcher was going to be MY DOG because he took to me right away and once we moved into the house, he would lay at my feet no matter where I was sitting and at night he’d lay at the foot or my side of the bed while I slept so when I wake up he could greet me with a lick on my hand as I petting him on his head. This is our daily routine and I for one will miss him very, very, much I understand David’s connection to his dogs, I share in his connection and we will grieve our dog together until THE END. Goodbye BUTCHIE BUTCH, HE’S MY BUTCHIE BABY BOY ( ONE OF MANY NICKNAMES I’VE GIVEN HIM OVER THE MONTHS) I will miss you and I love you.

We were hoping he’d walk down the aisle with us at our upcoming wedding but we know it won’t be happening now, HE WILL BE MISSED AND REMEMBERED ALWAYS!! MAMA AND DADDY LOVE YOU VERY MUCH BUTCHER!!! SO LONG MY FRIEND! Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer, have a blessed day my peeps keep us in prayer as we pray for all of you in our daily prayers MY FAMILY!!!!

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GRACE IS: GOD’S- RICHES -AT- CHRIST’S- EXPENSE- and I’ve learned over the years how much Grace the Lord has given me in my lifetime of sin SO WHEN IT COMES TO DEALIN’ WITH OTHER’S ESPECIALLY MEN I’M LEARNING TO BE GRACIOUS WITH THEM TOO. Men are complicated, men are immature, men are self centered and most times selfish BUT REAL MEN ARE hardworking, great father’s, selfless, protective, smart, and funny and that’s why I say they’re complicated and all those things describe the men I’ve dated in my past including My David!!! He’s had a really bad upbringing and history, I’ve never known a man whose gone through as much as he has so I’m learning grace and patience from the Lord when dealing with him. He and his sister have told me stories of their past since I’ve known them but I know there’s more to tell BUT what I do know is he came from a broken family of SEVERE ALCHOLIC, ABUSIVE, CHAIN CIGARETTE SMOKIN’ parents who divorced, his father met another woman had a daughter by her (who’s the sister he’s close to here where we live now) and now exposed to the abuse JUST FOR BEIN’ BORN!

They’ve both told me of incidents of his sister being his lifeline as a kid because when she visited she became his LIFELINE from the physical abuse he’s been receiving since he was young, at the age of 2 he was nicknamed JD it means juvenile delinquent and as he grew up he displayed the behavior through adulthood. One time his mom was beating his sister with a BROOMSTICK JUST FOR BEIN BORN FROM HER EX until it broke across her back, My David stepped in and took the rest of the beating for her and that began an unhealthy bond they share to this day. As he grew he got into trouble with alcohol and drugs and has served time in prison after serving in the US Marines. He’s 18 years sober and although he’s no longer doing them, their long term affects are manifesting in our relationship where at will he can act like the perpetual 5 year old throwing temper tantrums or having what a friend has called “BANGIN’ ON THE HIGHCHAIR TIME” and it is hard for me to handle MOST TIMES.

It’s a medical fact that when a teenager begin doing drugs, over time they resort back to age 9 or less mentally due to the effects of the drugs and when it’s carried over into adulthood, we women are left with GROWN 6 YEAR OLD MEN who come into our lives with the ultimate line they’ve used on every woman over the years but NEVER REVEALING THEIR IMMATURITY UNTIL THEY HAVE US HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER! In my case it was David who plead his case with me but failed to reveal his true self and how immature he is considering his age. He’s whimsical at times, ANAL ABOUT PERSONS BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE, and very sensitive, he can easily be offended or get his feelings hurt and once that happens he begin to yell, rant and rave, WAH, WAH, WAH, like a baby in a highchair bangin’ until he gets my attention BUT THE ATTENTION HE ENDS UP GETTIN’ DOESN’T HELP HIS BEHAVIOR so he begin whining about how he can’t TAKE THIS, AND HE CAN’T TAKE THAT, I HATE THIS AND I HATE THAT, YOU SAID SOMETHING TO HURT MY FEELINGS, I CAN’T TAKE YOUR MOUTH, (ALTHOUGH HE’S THE ONE WHO GOT ME STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE), BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BANG, BANG, BANG, WAH, WAH, WAH!!

We went out to eat yesterday before I went to work, (I failed to remember what happened the last time we went to dinner before work when we argued about the car insurance and I told him off, you’d think I’d learned my lesson BUT NOOOOOO I had to take him out. We ordered our food, he got his first, I had to wait more than ten minutes or more for my food so after awhile I went to the counter to get a refund because I lost my appetite for the food because it was taking so long to prepare. By this time David has gotten out of his seat walking to the counter speaking loudly, and sarcastically to the workers throwing a STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN FIT IN FRONT OF ALL THE CUSTOMERS AND STAFF and EMBARRASSING THE HECK OUT OF ME AND MAKING ME ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME. I COULDA PUNCHED HIM IN THE THOAT (YES I SAID THOAT) IT’S A BLACK THANG, HEYYYY LOL, I turned to him as I stood in front of the manager embarrassed as all get out and told him to STOP, JUST SHUT UP, ALL THAT IS NOT NECESSARY, I’M HANDLING IT AND YOU’RE EMBARASSSING ME, JUST STOP!!!!

I felt less than 2 ft tall that’s how loud and animated he was in that restaurant. The patrons were looking at us this black woman and white man together, I’M LOOKING FLY AS USUAL BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I ROLL lol, while he’s walking around bangin’ on the highchair thinking he’s helping me when he’s not! I got my money back, gathered my items and walked out the door embarrassed as heck and equally mad at David for acting  like that IN PUBLIC IN MY ROYAL PRESENCE LOL  I told him off NICELY, he pouted for awhile afterwards until he noticed it wasn’t working nor getting any kind of positive attention from me and stopped TRIPPIN! I’m praying daily for patience in dealing with this GROWN MAN/CHILD, he and my daughter can act the same age at times like they did last weekend and a whole lot of times prior to then but I Love them both with all my heart and wouldn’t trade neither of them in for no amount of money.

God has been patient with me over the years, he continues to be patient with me, I’ not perfect at all, I make all kinds of mistakes, I repent daily for my sarcastic sense of humor when it offends those who don’t get it, like David at times, I pray for patience although I’ve grown over time I still have a ways to go especially when dealing with David. He’s a wonderful man but very immature for his age, he tries real hard to please me and make me happy, he does a great job of it because I am happy despite our struggles, I’m in this marriage for the long haul sometimes I wander if he feels the same especially during his highchair moment or when I’m having my moment, he’s still around so maybe he does feel the same. Our big day is coming, we’re so excited, I pray Lord God that you mature my husband to the man he needs to be for the family you’ve blessed him with for the rest of our lives may I be a supportive yet patient wife to him showing grace and love along the way. I only want to build him up, not tear him down.

He’s my hero, the love of my life, I’m honored to be HIS and pray I can be the woman of God he needs me to be for both he and the Lord. Thank you Lord for blessing me and my child with a wonderful HELPMATE!!! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Thanks again to all who follow me and read my posts feel free to comment once you follow me, I’ll respond back to you, I promise. Ya’ll are an encouragement to me to continue to share my life with you MY FAMILLY it’s not easy but it’s necessary for my HEALING IN THE LORD. MUCH LOVE

woman holding baby while sitting on fur bean bag

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on


My big day is coming soon, the wedding I’ve dreamed about since I was a teen is finally coming true in a matter of weeks and I’m sooooo excited to become MRS MY DAVID!!!! LOL I’m not printing his real name for privacy purposes, anyway, we’ve been planning a trip to meet my mother since early spring so we finally got the chance to go, the day of the trip started out okay but it turned bad when MY DAVID begin acting like the perpetual 5 year old before, during and after the drive I WAS SOOOO ANGRY WITH HIM I LET HIM KNOW IT!!! It all began Fri evening after picking up my daughter from her dad, David was piddling around coming up with last minute petty nonsense he needed to do before our 6 hour road trip. I told him on the previous Monday to have everything he needed for the trip packed and ready to go by the door so once I arrive we’ll go, WELLLL IT DIDN’T HAPPEN LIKE I PLANNED, he was working my RESERVE NERVE, he had nothing ready except for what I packed the prior day PLUS he had NO SENSE OF URGENCY AT ALL!!

At this point I’M BOILIN’ WITH ANGER because it’s getting later and later, I’m tired from working the previous overnight shift until 4p the next day (Fri) the day we leave for the trip and he doesn’t seem to care. We brought the dogs with us because he didn’t want to be separated from them, (WHAT WAS HE THINKIN’?) He micromanaged those poor dogs THE ENTIRE TIME, DO THIS, DO THAT, SIT HERE, SIT THERE, STOP, MAN, OH MAN, STOP, LAY HERE, STOP DROOLIN’, OH MY GOD, SIT DOWN, STAND UP, LAY HERE, SIT THERE, OH MY GOD, UGH YA’LL GETTIN ON MY NERVE, UGHHHHHHHHHH the entire trip to the point to where I had to finally tell him to “LEAVE THEM ALONE” many, many, times during the trip. Once we got on the road, my daughter decides to join the WORK MY MAMA’S RESERVE NERVE PARTY My David has thrown for me since earlier in the evening and now I must think for not only myself, but he and my daughter too!!! Ya’ll know I blew up right??? We ended up getting a flat tire so instead of calling AAA, I changed the tire myself then went back home to get rest before the next morning’s trip.

My dad is deceased as well as my grandparents on both sides of my family so my mom is the only parent left for him to meet and since we didn’t come earlier in the summer she’s really looking forward to the visit, she baked David a German Chocolate Cake that’s waiting for him once we arrived so we’re both excited about the meeting, we planned to leave at 8am the following morning once we replaced the spare tire but ONCE AGAIN he hem hawed around about any and everything sending me into an early rage before I HAVE TO DRIVE 6 PLUS HOURS with him, my child and the dogs in the car. ( OH, BY THE WAY DID I TELL YA’LL THE LORD BLESSED ME WITH A NEW CAR TWO WEEKS AGO? IT’S AN SMALL SIZE SUV big enough for our family including the dogs) The Lord knew we needed a bigger car for traveling with our puppies so I went to the lot where I was shown this particular vehicle, I told the salesman I wanted it and drove off the lot with it 2 hours later or less, PRAISE THE LORD, HE IS STILL IN THE BLESSIN’ BUSINESS!!!!!!

Anyways, we get on the road where he begins the same nonsense from the previous night’s attempt, UGHHH , STOP, MOVE, DANG DUDE, STOP, LAY DOWN, STAND UP, BE STILL, GO HERE, LAY THERE, OH MY GOD, UHHHH YA’LL GETTIN ON MY NERVES, BREATHE HARD, OH MY GOD, UGHHH, STOP, LAY, SIT, GO, UGHHHHHHHH!!!!! THE ENTIRE WAY, but wait he wasn’t finished, he has NEVER been to my home state before nor the adjoining state in between so as soon as we ran into road construction in the first state he’s NEVER been to before, OH MY GOD DID HE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, at this point I’m thinking, “You’re kidding me right? How dare you speak negative of a place you’ve never been, HOW DARE THEY HAVE CONSTRUCTION ON THEIR ROADS JUST LIKE THEY DO IN HIS PRECIOUS CALIFORNIA!!( He compares everything to California and what they do and do not have according to him and his values)” while he’s going on and on about the ignorance of the state.

We got through the first state rollin, rollin, rollin, then HOW DARE WE ARRIVE IN MY HOME STATE IN THE MIDDLE OF ROAD CONSTRUCTION, HERE WE GO AGAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNN (CALGON TAKE ME AWAYYYYYYYY)LOL Finally, I LOST IT, I TOLD HIM OFF SOMETHING TERRIBLE, I LET HIM KNOW TO STOP THE NEGATIVE TALK ABOUT MY HOME STATE AND ALL STATES IN BETWEEN, YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO THEM, YOU KNOW NOTHING OF WHAT’S GOING IN THEM NOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THEM SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!!!! He shut his mouth, left the puppies alone the  rest of the trip until we arrive at my mom’s house. Once we arrived at mama’s house he started acting like himself again doing work for my mom around the house, talking and chatting about politics. (they share the same political belief) (I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet)LOL but they got along just fine, she loves My David and offered us advice on grace and patience in marriage among other things, laughing along the way. We took her out to dinner before ending our day we picked up his cake, went to our room with our puppies and went to sleep for the night!!

The departure day began just like the trip began, HE’S HEM HAWIN’ AROUND ABOUT PETTY STUFF trying to get me started, I told him we were NOT going to do this again so we prayed, apologized, and picked up our daughter from mama saying our goodbyes before hitting the road to come home. I re-positioned the dogs in the hatch back making them as comfortable as possible so that he won’t start irking my nerves again. He started out driving but got sleepy so I drove the entire trip basically AND I WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT IT BECAUSE I HATE DRIVING!!!!! I made the sacrifice for him because in spite of him aggravating me he’s a wonderful and caring man who spoke to my heart from DAY ONE and continues to this day although he’s not perfect, I know he loves me and I love him, we’re still working on our individual issues so that we can be a better MAN AND WOMAN for each other in our marriage.

At my age I know love is not just about butterflies in the stomach, roses, peaches and cream with smiles on our faces, LOVE IS HARD WORK, MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK, TWO PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN TO COMPROMISE AND COMMUNICATE WHAT THEY NEED AND WANT FROM THEIR MATE so we’re working on ourselves individually/together BEFORE WE WALK DOWN THE AISLE BECAUSE I TOLD THE LORD I’M ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONE TIME AND MY DAVID IS THE MAN WHO FOUND ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!!! I love him soooooo much, he’s my hero in many ways that have nothing to do with his paycheck AND he loves me too. We’re in this for the long haul, we’re continuing counseling with our Pastor before, during, and after our marriage because a marriage without Godly counsel is DOOMED TO FAIL AND THE GOD I SERVE IS NOT NOR WILL HE EVER BE A FAILURE!!! He says ” I am the Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end.

He IS OUR BEGINNING, HE’S THE REASON WE’RE TOGETHER and we will strive to keep God number 1 in our lives in order to be happy and feel complete in each other and most of all in HIM. LADIES, YOU CAN’T BE FOUND IF YOU’RE OUT LOOKING, I HAD TO SIT DOWN TO BE FOUND and the Lord blessed me for my diligence in reading his word, prayer, fasting, celibacy, and ministering in the prisons. He does reward our efforts in spite of our failures as long as we stay faithful in Him by relying on Him to lead, guide, and direct us to the path He has set for us according to His will. My trip was a success, My David and I are communicating better, we’ve apologized for the weekend and have moved forward taking care of each other, we’re excited to finally become MAN AND WIFE, we’re still remaining celibate until our wedding night and getting settled in our new home.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD,…………. WHEN U TRUST HIM! Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen Take care my peeps be blessed all day every day.


white and grey voting day sign

Photo by Element5 Digital on


I’m always looking forward to working early voting because of the connection I have with staff and the regular voters, my precinct has a lot of voters who are senior citizens who will make sure they vote come hell or high water, it doesn’t matter if they have to go on scooters, walkers, or canes, they were black, white, Asian, and Muslim, I was proud to see them coming in the door. What I didn’t like was the ignorance of the younger middle aged voters (particularly the black ones) who once again showed their ignorance as soon as they walked through the doors. They had no idea who the candidates were, they couldn’t spell or remember their names, they asked which candidates were black, and who did I vote for as if I was going to answer them.

On top of that they had the nerve to be upset about the change with the new machines, complaining how they like the old machines better while asking me why the change? I told them “since they were complaining about Russia, Russia, Russia interfering in our election thanks to that dern TRUMP they had to change them to make sure their vote is secure, and these people believed every word I said even though I was laughing the entire time but they believed me anyway WOWWWW MY PEOPLE MUST DO BETTA!!! We as a race will fall for anything someone tells us, especially if they’re famous, these black celebrities are just as complicit in the destruction of our race as they claim white people are and the system they set up to perform to totally annihilate us from the earth.

I  had the chance to confront a Senator about he not getting anything done in his community since he was elected almost 1 year 1/2 ago, the residents who voted him in are now complaining about how they’re being ignored by politicians year after year, decade after decade, century after century BUT THEY CONTINUE TO VOTE FOR THE SAME LYIN’ PEOPLE EVERY ELECTION!!! WHAT’S THE DEFINITION OF STUPIDITY???? Of course he tried to make excuses for the fact that he has accomplished NOTHING and has NO DESIRE TO HELP HIS COMMUNITY AT ALL!! I shut him down before he began because I’M NOT TRYIN’ TO HEAR IT!! I told him I was tired of black politicians like he and others, male or female coming into the community with their divisive rhetoric playing with our emotions and patronizing us knowing the majority of the voters DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT THAT PERSON IS TALKING ABOUT SO I WASN’T TRYIN’ TO HEAR ANY OF THIS NONSENSE FROM HIM, he just walked away from being stunned at my NERVE AND MY WORDS!!! I DIDN’T CARE THOUGH!! LOL

I also approached a potential councilman whose running for a seat, I asked him “WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF YOU WIN YOUR COUNCIL SEAT TO HELP THE BLACK COMMUNITY YOU’RE BEGGING VOTES FROM?” He immediately played THE RACE CARD stating the MAN is keeping us down and we must fight against them, I interrupted him saying “I’M NOT TRYNNA HEAR THAT (YES I SAID TRYNNA CAUSE I’M DONE WITH THE RACE CARD AND MANIPULATION) THERE ARE BLACK PEOPLE WHO’RE TRYIN’ TO BRING US DOWN SO LET’S NOT INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE WITH THIS STUFF AND AGAIN, I’M TIRED OF YOU BLACK POLITICIANS COMING TO US BEGGIN FOR OUR VOTE THEN ONCE IN OFFICE YOU TURN YOUR BACKS TO THE VERY PEOPLE WHO ELECTED YOU SO, “WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?” ALL HE COULD SAY WAS “AMEN MY SISTER” as I walked him to his voting machine to vote. I was so disgusted by his remark, or lack of  response because he just proved my point concerning the problems I have with black politicians.

Black politicians who DO THE WHITE MAN’S BIDDIN’ are far more worse than the so called WHITE MAN because at least we can see the white man comin’ where as the black politician comes around only during election time SLICK, SLIMY AND LYIN’ manipulating our people by offering free food and drinks in order to persuade them to vote, playin’ the race card claiming the white man is evil and against us on every level and YET THEY LIVE IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOODS WITH THE EVIL RICH WHITE MAN, making backdoor deals and policy claiming to help bring them out of poverty by providing free housing, food stamps, clothing, cash aid, WIC etc… and in turn providing these things the people are convinced they’re free because they lack the understanding of how things really work in the REAL WORLD.

The people aren’t noticing the STRINGS THEY’VE ATTACHED TO THOSE SERVICES IN ORDER TO KEEP THEM IN BONDAGE WITH HELP FROM BLACK POLITICIANS PROMISING TO BE THEIR LORD AND SAVIOR instead of JESUS CHRIST!! MY PEOPLE MUST DO BETTA!! I work with seniors for a living, I take care of them on a personal level, my current client whom I call Papa is giving me away at my wedding next month, and I enjoy listening to their family history attempting to learn from the mistakes of the past so imagine my shock and anger at the ignorance of my people who’re embracing Socialism as Prince Charming and bashing Capitalism as the evil step sister/mother. Thanks to these Hollywood Celebs, athletes, singers, the media and countless others have crammed it into our heads for the last 20 plus years in order to influence the younger generation while recruiting them to be Socialist. MY PEOPLE MUST DO BETTA, WE MUST DO OUR RESEARCH, WE RESEARCH THINGS THAT PERTAIN TO NONSENSE but not the candidates who we’re TRUSTING TO TAKE CARE OF US FOR OUR VOTE.

I challenge my people to GET IT TOGETHER, DO YOUR RESEARCH, GET OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AND PUT ON YOUR LOGIC HAT, VOTE ACCORDING TO GOD’S WORD AND STANDARD HE SO WONDERFULLY SET FOR US TO FOLLOW AND YOU WILL NEVER GO WRONG OR REGRET YOUR DECISION. We have early voting again in a couple weeks so I will re boot as long as I can until I have to go back into the ENEMY CAMP LOL where a Trump Supporter is considered PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE!!! My people will continue with the whining and hatred of ALL THINGS TRUMP, never mind most of the ones talking crap were once either on his show the Apprentice or trying to get on it in order to jumpstart their careers and yet he’s racist, evil, stupid, hate monger, GO FIGURE!!! MY PEOPLE MUST DO BETTA, if I get the chance to confront a potential candidate about his views and work ethics I WILL BECAUSE I’M TIRED, ARE YOU???

My husband TO BE was great the entire week, he was very supportive and filled in the gap for me concerning pickup/drop off of our daughter to work and back. He tried to leave me alone once I got home but then he picked the wrong time to say something STUPID TO SET ME OFF!! He failed to understand at the time why I was so angry and tense each day after the polls closed, he failed to realize how difficult it is to get the NEGATIVE WORDS out my head because I can’t respond to the whiny complaint from the voters WHO HAS NO CLUE ABOUT THE CANDIDATE. I’m grateful for his support he did the very best he could and I love him for it. MY PEOPLE WE MUST DO BETTA!!!!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation in my heart be acceptable in thy sight oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. Amen  BE BLEDDED MY PEEPS